My Secret Life: Julian Clary, comedian

Julian Clary was born on 25 May 1959, in Teddington, Middlesex. Having attended a Catholic school in London, he studied English and Drama at Goldsmiths College. His stand-up routine, The Joan Collins Fanclub – in which he wore heavy make-up and was accompanied by Fanny the Wonder Dog – led him to become a household name. He lives alone, sharing his time between Kent and Camden, north London. He is a voiceover artist on the new DVD, Little Princess, Volume 2: Adventures at the Castle, available to buy from 3 September, priced £12.99.

I drive/ride: A Mercedes-Benz.

If I have time to myself: I dedicate it to my dog, Valerie. I like to put myself in her shoes and do doggy things: go for walks and lie on the sofa.

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at: Nurturing any kind of flower, houseplants to hollyhocks.

You may not know it but I'm no good at: Bureaucracy and paperwork, so I've enlisted a PA.

A book that changed me: The Naked Civil Servant by Quentin Crisp. Reading this opened my mind to the possibility of a heroic homosexual character who knew how to survive.

Movie heaven: Doesn't apply to me, as I just find that they're too long and generally too American and terribly moral. I'm usually disappointed by the ending, as well as by the amount of time I wasted watching it.

Comfort eating: Sashimi with a miso soup.

When I was a child: I wanted to be a vet.

I wish I'd never worn: A number I had made in my days of wearing black rubber. It was a skimpy two-piece with holes in the shape of stars where my nipples poked through. A lot of chafing was involved.

All my money goes on: Scaffolding and builders.

At night I dream of: Well, recently I dreamed that a farmer handed me a dead lamb and when I stroked it, it came back to life. Quite Messiah-like and possibly over-optimistic, but I don't know what it means.

My favourite building : Is the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich.

My biggest regret: Is upsetting people at times.

It's not fashionable but I like: Eamonn Holmes.

If I wasn't me I'd like to be: Either Shirley Williams or Tony Benn; sometimes when I hear them say such clever things, I wish I'd thought of it first. If I ever lack an opinion on something, I listen to what they think and just agree.

My favourite work of art: Is Bronzino's Venus, Cupid, Folly and Time [in the National Gallery, London]; witty and beautiful at the same time.

The soundtrack to my life: Is Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind. It's my traditional entrance music when I go on stage.

The best invention ever: Is dry ice. It's totally without function and doesn't help the world in any way; but aesthetically, it's great.