My Secret Life: Russell Brand, comedian

Russell Brand was born on 6 September 1974 in Grays, Essex. A stand-up comedian, TV presenter and actor, he attended the Italia Conti School in London and was sacked from his first presenting job on MTV for dressing as Osama bin Laden on 12 September 2001. Famed for hosting Big Brother's Big Mouth and for his romantic dalliances, with Kate Moss among others, he stars in the forthcoming St Trinian's film (see also, page 14) and his autobiography, My Booky Wook, is out now. He lives with his cat, Morrissey, in north London.

I drive: waves of inspiration to caffeinated slumber, skimming incomplete sleep.

If I have time to myself: I panic. Then do some work. Then look at the cat, Morrissey. He doesn't look anything like Morrissey.

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at: Subbuteo, combining the nimble fingers of Liberace and the geometrical understanding of Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Y ou may not know it but I'm no good at: dancing, unless I'm playing the part of someone who is good at dancing, in which case I can dance adequately.

A book that changed me: The one I've just written, My Booky Wook, by me, which exhausted me.

Movie heaven: Elephant Man at the Everyman cinema in Hampstead, followed by One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, rounded off with Life of Brian.

Comfort eating: While watching those three films I could devour my own bodyweight in Maltesers.

When I was a child I wanted to be: lost in a Shangri-La of nymphs and fledglings, drawn by Quentin Blake and written by Enid Blyton.

All my money goes on: the gee-gees, if not the Bee Gees, and if nothing else then the heebie-jeebies.

My favourite building: is the Thameside Theatre and Library in Grays, Essex.

My biggest regret: is that I was unaware of the imperceptible movement in couture in the period around 11 September 2001.

It's not fashionable but I like: revolution, socialism.

At night I dream of: a hasty and regrettable haircut.

If I wasn't me I'd like to be: a microscopic version of me, existing in my own blood, like in Inner Space.

The shop I can't walk past: Mr Benn's shop. If I went in I'd almost certainly be able to transcend the idea of identity and self and go back in time.

My favourite work of art: I quite like Matthew Barney he makes mad films with weird, visibly coloured people covered in foam in corridors. The soundtrack to my life: Anything by Morrisey, though I'd like to get him to score something original.

I wish I'd never worn: the Osama bin Laden outfit in 2001; it had not yet fully entered fashion.

The best invention ever: the printing press or the Breville. If you could make toasted-cheese Bibles that would be a real breakthrough.