The 5-Minute Interview: Jim Bowen, TV personality

'I've never met a politician who does anything but disappoint'
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The Independent Online

Jim Bowen, 69, the stand-up comedian and host of ITV's 'Bullseye', is featured in a new interactive DVD game, Classic Bullseye.

On getting up to speed...

I'm not into all the MP30 what's-its and I don't know what iPods are - I thought they were a plant what grows in the greengrocer's shop. But this game is great. It's going back down memory lane with vigour.

If I weren't talking to you right now I'd be...

Looking out at the Lune Valley contemplating if I would go for a walk or not or reading Kenneth Horne's biography.

A phrase I use far too often is...

"Where's the cheque?"

I wish people would take more notice of...

Ill-mannered children. They should have them put down. Quickly. Our youngsters need a lot of help. For the majority of them, it ain't coming from the parents. Police and teachers aren't allowed to help and as a result our children leave a lot to be desired. I have had no experience of children like this because mine got through the hoop.

I'm good at...

Mowing the lawn. I'm a reasonably good stand-up comedian. I can talk to people nicely.

But I'm very bad at...

Trumpet playing. The biggest mistake I make with the trumpet is taking it out of the case. I've been playing traditional jazz for 55 years. I played in a band for 15 years. I lack skill and musical ability but apart from that I'm excellent.

The most surprising thing that ever happened to me was...

Being employed for a second series of Bullseye. It was a surprise because I was so bad on the first.

A common misperception of me is....

Well ... I don't think they've got one because what they see is what they get. There's no image there, there's no ego. I make no time for deception in my life ... the little time that's left, although I am still buying books with over 300 pages in them.

I am not a politician but...

I've never met a politician that does anything but disappoint and I've met a few. The only one that meets up to any expectation was Cyril Smith. He's honest - a word that should perhaps be engraved on side of the Houses of Parliament or tattooed on their arses.

The ideal night out is ...

Going t' pub and having two or three pints of Tetley beer and maybe a packet of bacon fries.

You know me as a comedian but in truer life I'd have ...

Probably remained as a school teacher, retired extremely bored and I wouldn't have a Mercedes S-class, specially built with all the bells and whistles sitting outside my house.

The best age to be is...

Now, if you are feeling well and all your environs are comfortable.

In a nutshell, my philosophy is this:

To get through life without doing anybody any damage, if you can.

Sara Newman

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