Bad science: Chemical malfunctions of the celebrity brain

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As a new year gift to the celebrities of the nation, the charitable foundation Sense About Science would like to help them understand a few facts. The previous year has been full of cod-scientific blunders by celebrities mouthing off about subjects they know nothing about, it says, and this year the group would like them to know what they're talking about when they start banging on about things being "organic" or "chemical-free".

One area the celeb brain appeared to find most impenetrable was "chemicals", which are apparently "bad", as opposed to "chemical-free" or "natural", which is obviously good. As Sense About Science's Ian Mabbett, a chemist at the University of Swansea, explains: "Chemicals are everywhere and everything. To be chemical-free you have to experience a total vacuum greater than that of space." Celebrities? Total vacuum? Well, he's got a point...

Sarah Beeny

On Channel 4's 'How Toxic Are You?', Beeny praised moisturisers "without any chemicals in them". What do they contain, then?

Stella McCartney

The designer pronounced: "Lots of skin products use the same petrochemicals as the antifreeze in your car." Well, she could do with a bit of defrosting.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwynnie thinks vegetables beat cancer: "I am convinced that by eating biological foods it is possible to avoid tumours." Nice girl; farts like a wizard.

Gillian McKeith

"If a quarter of kids who are now overweight go on to have kids, half of them will be overweight. If they have kids, everybody will be overweight!" Err...