The street party goes upmarket: Doing it in style
Sunday 18 July 1999
Invite people via accommodation numbers not names - double-barrelled monikers may intimidate some. "Hello, we're number 37", will no doubt be enough to indicate whether the guests have roses round the door or a clapped-out Cortina in the front garden.
Games are a must. Spot The Non-Organic Apple is a joy - just don't eat it! British Bulldog is fun for all ages - have the Georgian mews line up against the council block for extra frisson.
Get the tucker in now before the millennium computer bug plays havoc with supply lines, and celebrate the golden age of the street party with long-life goodies such as Spam fritters, powdered egg and processed cheese. Order your fruit jelly from Marco Pierre White now. Remember, children will love the new burger-chain cucumber sandwich, the McCool.
You have 1,000 years to choose from. Sun-dried tomatoes make excellent medieval face boils. Georgian gentlemen should take care to use the right sort of white powder on their noses. Send the au pair up the chimney for that authentic Victorian look. And of course, for wartime glamour stain your legs with gravy browning - but keep away from next-door's labrador.
The Max Bygraves revival starts here. The Best Street Party Album in the World Ever, Vol 2, features all your favourites such as "Roll out the latte", "Pack up your troubles in your fendi baguette", "Down at the Old Terence Conran" and "Knees up Mother Earth".
- 2 The West has it totally wrong on Lee Kuan Yew
- 3 #FreeTheNipple: Women in Iceland bare breasts in solidarity with trolled student
- 4 Scientists have discovered a simple way to cook rice that dramatically cuts the calories
Germanwings captain Patrick Sondenheimer tried to break into locked cockpit door 'with an axe' as plane was descending
Amanda Knox murder conviction: Italian court overturns verdict for US student and Raffaele Sollecito in the killing of Meredith Kercher
Saudi Arabia says it won't rule out building nuclear weapons
The battle for the Middle East's future begins in Yemen as Saudi Arabia jumps into the abyss
#FreeTheNipple: Women in Iceland bare breasts in solidarity with trolled student
Nigel Farage brands LGBT activists 'filth' and 'scum' and accuses them of scaring away his children after they invade his local pub
Ukip supporters are 55 or older, white and socially conservative, finds British Social Attitudes Report
JK Rowling responds to fan tweeting she 'can't see' Dumbledore being gay
Russia threatens Denmark with nuclear weapons if it tries to join Nato defence shield
Jeremy Clarkson sacked live: Alan Yentob 'wouldn't rule out' ex Top Gear host's BBC return
Germanwings plane crash live: Co-pilot Andreas Lubitz wanted to 'do something people would remember him for'
£32000 - £38000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful accountancy practice in...
£18000 - £23000 per annum + Uncapped commission: SThree: Does earning a 6 figu...
£18000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...
£35000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A challenging opportunity for a...