The street party goes upmarket: Doing it in style
Sunday 18 July 1999
Invite people via accommodation numbers not names - double-barrelled monikers may intimidate some. "Hello, we're number 37", will no doubt be enough to indicate whether the guests have roses round the door or a clapped-out Cortina in the front garden.
Games are a must. Spot The Non-Organic Apple is a joy - just don't eat it! British Bulldog is fun for all ages - have the Georgian mews line up against the council block for extra frisson.
Get the tucker in now before the millennium computer bug plays havoc with supply lines, and celebrate the golden age of the street party with long-life goodies such as Spam fritters, powdered egg and processed cheese. Order your fruit jelly from Marco Pierre White now. Remember, children will love the new burger-chain cucumber sandwich, the McCool.
You have 1,000 years to choose from. Sun-dried tomatoes make excellent medieval face boils. Georgian gentlemen should take care to use the right sort of white powder on their noses. Send the au pair up the chimney for that authentic Victorian look. And of course, for wartime glamour stain your legs with gravy browning - but keep away from next-door's labrador.
The Max Bygraves revival starts here. The Best Street Party Album in the World Ever, Vol 2, features all your favourites such as "Roll out the latte", "Pack up your troubles in your fendi baguette", "Down at the Old Terence Conran" and "Knees up Mother Earth".
- 1 This 'woman calls police to order pizza' story isn't going where you're expecting
- 2 Axe wielding man shot dead after attacking four New York policemen on busy street
- 3 Watch what happened when food critics were unknowingly served McDonald's
- 4 Jimmy Carr's Oscar Pistorius joke goes a bit too far at the Q Awards
- 5 Ottawa shootings: Bruce MacKinnon's cartoon is the perfect tribute to soldier Nathan Cirillo
Of course, teenage girls need role models – but not like beauty vlogger Zoella
Cameron is warned 'no possibility' of UK reducing immigration and that bid to bring in quota on migrant workers would be illegal
Support for EU membership 'at highest level since 1991' with most Brits wanting to stay 'in'
Thousands with degenerative conditions classified as 'fit to work in future' – despite no possibility of improvement
Attacks on 'Ukip Calypso' show how skewed people’s priorities are
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