Words of dignity and thanks in their darkest moment

For 14 days, the families of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman had endured an excruciating wait. Yesterday evening, the unspeakable denouement arrived with a police statement.

Minutes later, the two families gave their response to the news with the dignity that they had maintained throughout the nightmare. This time, however, instead of voicing hope for the wellbeing of the girls and steadfast support for the police that were searching for them, they had only grief for their unimaginable loss.

Holly's parents, Nicola and Kevin Wells, said in a statement: "Although still numb after losing our gorgeous daughter Holly, please accept our heartfelt thanks for everyone's help and support throughout this traumatic fortnight."

Yet the recovery of the dead girls may paradoxically bring bitter relief to the two families – an end to the fears roused by the terrible chain of events that began two weeks ago.

Both the Wellses and Sharon and Leslie Chapman have earned admiration for their extraordinary courage, appearing at routine press conferences and appealing directly to the abductor to let the girls home safely. They have allowed the media unparalleled access to their private lives.

Even as possible sightings proved mistaken and leads came to nothing, the two families maintained a stoical optimism in front of the cameras, whatever they may have been feeling away from the media glare. One relative admitted they were struggling to cope in private.

They had refused to watch any television coverage and kept newspapers bundled away – possibly to read at some future, and perhaps happier, time. They spent their days with family and close friends, talking and trying to keep their spirits alive.

Those emotions, however, will now be transformed. Andrew Buckingham, of Victim Support, the national charity for people affected by crime, said they would be experiencing "unimaginable grief and utter disbelief.

"It is dreadful when bodies are found, but out of the most appalling situation, most families do feel a sense of closure. In the case of the Moors murders, there was a sense of small relief on one level, despite the inexpressible grief," he said.

David Wilson, a professor in criminology, said the parents' optimism may be explained by an "escalation of expectation that the children would be found alive in the minds of the parents and the public" during the two-week hunt.

Such positivity expressed in front of the cameras was a natural and instinctive reaction, he said. "The parents have got to be able to cling on to hope because that is all they have got in an abduction case."

However, Professor Wilson said, the statements of hope could also have been a psychological ploy constructed by the police and might not have reflected what the parents were truly feeling.

"I believe that the statements made by the families were prepared by psychologists, who had the parents say things that would establish a rapport with the abductor," he said.

"Their emotions became a strategic part of the police operation and it also gave them a role. I feel certain that in private, the police made it plain to the families that the longer the daughters were absent, the less the likelihood was that they would be alive."

Certainly, the Chapman family admitted they were "coping badly" during the long hours at home. "Time doesn't mean anything. Hours and days just seem to roll into one. Before you know it, it's dark again," Mrs Chapman said.

"The noise level in my house is so quiet. So quiet, even though there are lots of people coming in and out, it's just so quiet and empty."

Professor Wilson said the process of grieving over the murder of a child would include an overwhelming need to ensure justice through the arrest, trial and conviction of the perpetrators.

Meanwhile, the parents' immediate response will inevitably be the sense of "void" in their lives, a mournful feeling that "something is missing".

Both families have other siblings to look after – Jessica's parents have two older daughters and Holly's parents have a 12-year-old son – a factor that Professor Wilson said would help them from being utterly overwhelmed by grief.

"When a child is taken away abruptly, the routine in your life is completely disrupted," he said. "You no longer have anyone to wake up, clean, cook for and take to school. It is like being in suspended animation.

"At least for the parents of Holly and Jessica, they have other children to look after and the semblance of their previous routine."

He said that families in similar situations had processed their anger at the loss of a child by becoming "campaigners", as in the case of the parents of Jamie Bulger, Susie Lamplugh, Sarah Payne and Leah Betts.

"Many families feel powerlessness after they lose a child and becoming campaigners means they can reclaim some power by protecting other children," he said.

Di Stubbs, the director of family services at Winston's Wish, a charity that supports bereaved children and families, said it would be essential for the extended families to support the parents and focus love and attention towards the three siblings that Holly and Jessica have left behind.

"Keeping the lines of communication open within the family is important," Ms Stubbs said. "In many cases, the siblings left behind feel excluded at home, as parents want to protect their children, which can lead to a case of not being able to talk about feelings.

"Some children who have lost their siblings feel that everybody's attention has gone elsewhere. They can react by becoming a little naughty to get the attention they used to get, which gives them some sense of normality.

"They desperately need to things to be the same as they were before their brother or sister died."

Throughout the inquiry, both sets of parents had insisted on being kept up to date with every development. Their hopes were continually raised and then dashed from the moment the girls wandered off from a family barbecue on Sunday afternoon a fortnight ago.

Last Tesday evening, the discovery of freshly turned earth in a wooded area near Soham forced them to accept that their girls might be lying in two shallow graves.

Not until the early hours of Wednesday were police able to tell them that the mounds of earth were badger setts.

Holly Wells' grandmother, Agnes Wells, was reported as saying: "Last night they were dead. This morning we have a little hope."

According to Mr Buckingham, the incident was akin to an emotional dress rehearsal for yesterday's final act.

He said: "They were bracing themselves for the worst last Wednesday, and then it came to nothing. We cannot say whether they were more prepared for yesterday's events by that, or whether it just added to their agony.

"To have to almost accept that the worst has happened and then to be brought back, only to go through it again must be excruciating."

Bereavement experts agree that the press campaign, the high-profile police search and the public support may have buoyed the families while they had a glimmer of hope.

But now they have requested privacy to grieve and to accept the hard, unforgiving reality that their little girls are never coming home.