Domestic Violence: The Abusers: Insecurity 'led to vicious circle'

'THE TEA wasn't on the table when I'd got home. I'd had a very bad day at work and I just saw red,' Brian said, writes Nicola Barry.

'I remember dragging my wife upstairs by the hair and tying her on the bed. I then paraded around the house shouting and screaming. I worked myself up into a real frenzy.'

He fetched petrol, poured it on the bed and for an hour tormented her by playing with matches. 'She was petrified. I have to admit I used to enjoy seeing her like that. I need to feel in total control.'

Brian (not his real name) admitted, in an interview in the Edinburgh Evening News, beating his wife regularly. He felt insecure and believed he could only maintain relationships through force. 'You batter because you feel insecure. But the more you batter the more you know the woman wants away from you and the more insecure you feel. It's the original vicious circle.'

His wife eventually went to the police. Brian believes it saved either her life - or his if she had cracked and killed him in his sleep. It is five years since he last attacked her, claiming intensive therapy has forced him to confront his violent behaviour.

For others therapy is not so successful. After a year on a similar programme, John, who admits attacking several partners and was sentenced to prison for the latest incident, said: 'I got nine months and all I did was push her. Some women enjoy violence. I mean, why do they keep on taking a man back when they know he is violent?

'I am doing this (therapy) programme to keep me out of prison. Quite honestly, when I listen to what some of the other men on this programme have done to women, I wonder whether I really need to be in this group at all.'

It is because the success of men's therapy groups remains unproven that many working with abused women believe scarce resources may be better targeted. 'Men's groups are only a partial solution . . . We need to arrest and charge abusers, prevent the problems through public education and by providing services for women,' Sandra Horley, director of Refuge - the world's first women's refuge, in Chiswick, west London, said.

Suggested Topics
Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksA special investigation by Andy McSmith
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Telesales / Telemarketing Executive - OTE £30k / £35k plus

£18000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company specialises provid...

Austen Lloyd: Commercial Property Solicitor - Exeter

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: EXETER - A great new opportunity with real pot...

Austen Lloyd: Senior Private Client Solicitor - Exeter

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: EXETER - An outstanding senior opportunity for...

Sauce Recruitment: Retail Planning Manager - Home Entertainment UK

salary equal to £40K pro-rata: Sauce Recruitment: Are you available to start a...

Day In a Page

HIV pill: Scientists hail discovery of 'game-changer' that cuts the risk of infection among gay men by 86%

Scientists hail daily pill that protects against HIV infection

Breakthrough in battle against global scourge – but will the NHS pay for it?
How we must adjust our lifestyles to nature: Welcome to the 'Anthropocene', the human epoch

Time to play God

Welcome to the 'Anthropocene', the human epoch where we may need to redefine nature itself
MacGyver returns, but with a difference: Handyman hero of classic 1980s TV series to be recast as a woman

MacGyver returns, but with a difference

Handyman hero of classic 1980s TV series to be recast as a woman
Tunnel renaissance: Why cities are hiding roads down in the ground

Tunnel renaissance

Why cities are hiding roads underground
'Backstreet Boys - Show 'Em What You're Made Of': An affectionate look at five middle-aged men

Boys to men

The Backstreet Boys might be middle-aged, married and have dodgy knees, but a heartfelt documentary reveals they’re not going gently into pop’s good night
Crufts 2015: Should foreign dogs be allowed to compete?

Crufts 2015

Should foreign dogs be allowed to compete?
10 best projectors

How to make your home cinema more cinematic: 10 best projectors

Want to recreate the big-screen experience in your sitting room? IndyBest sizes up gadgets to form your film-watching
Manchester City 1 Barcelona 2 player ratings: Luis Suarez? Lionel Messi? Joe Hart? Who was the star man?

Manchester City vs Barcelona player ratings

Luis Suarez? Lionel Messi? Joe Hart? Who was the star man at the Etihad?
Arsenal vs Monaco: Monaco - the making of Gunners' manager Arsene Wenger

Monaco: the making of Wenger

Jack Pitt-Brooke speaks to former players and learns the Frenchman’s man-management has always been one of his best skills
Cricket World Cup 2015: Chris Gayle - the West Indies' enigma lives up to his reputation

Chris Gayle: The West Indies' enigma

Some said the game's eternal rebel was washed up. As ever, he proved he writes the scripts by producing a blistering World Cup innings
In Ukraine a dark world of hybrid warfare and murky loyalties prevails

In Ukraine a dark world of hybrid warfare

This war in the shadows has been going on since the fall of Mr Yanukovych
'Birdman' and 'Bullets Over Broadway': Homage or plagiarism?

Homage or plagiarism?

'Birdman' shares much DNA with Woody Allen's 'Bullets Over Broadway'
Broadchurch ends as damp squib not even David Tennant can revive

A damp squib not even David Tennant can revive

Broadchurch, Series 2 finale, review
A Koi carp breeding pond, wall-mounted iPads and a bathroom with a 'wellness' shower: inside the mansion of Germany's 'Bishop of Bling'

Inside the mansion of Germany's 'Bishop of Bling'

A Koi carp breeding pond, wall-mounted iPads and a bathroom with a 'wellness' shower