Divorce: Making a statement with your split

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's divorce produced a classic of the post-split statement genre. The main rule is: however bitter it was, say something anondyne to the press.

When Holmes first filed, her lawyer said that her "primary concern remains... her daughter's best interest". This set the media cats among the Scientologist pigeons, so the post-settlement wording was careful to "express our respect for each other's commitment to each of our respective beliefs" (that's respect the "commitment" not the actual faith). TomKat also made the oft-asked plea for "privacy". This is usually requested even if both parties have been playing the media all along.

Some try to make it clear that it was their decision: "I have decided…" (see Kim Kardashian and Demi Moore); others "we..." (even if it was clearly one person's doing); the most optimistic claim that they "will remain friends" (eg Russell Brand and Katy Perry).

One alternative is to ditch euphemisms and do what Heather Mills did when her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney was finished and rant angrily outside court…