1. Who wrote these words in the press last week: "When I heard William had popped the question to Kate, I had a nice cup of tea for them. Later on, I might even put some Buck's Fizz in my veins in their honour. This is a beautiful love story and I like that."?
a) The Daily Telegraph's Allison Pearson
b) Johnny Rotten
c) Nick Clegg
d) Lord St John of Fawsley
2. Which of the following is NOTa royal-related Facebook group?
a) Snub the Parasites' Wedding Group
b) Cheer Up Kate Middleton, I'd Do You
c) Prince William Fanpage
d) No Taxpayer Funding for Wedding
3. Kate Middleton's uncle ...
a) runs an online Tarot-reading service from his home in Guernsey
b) is a Teesside bus driver called Arnold Braithwaite who is secretary of the local stamp club
c) is a property dealer called Gary whose home on Ibiza is named La Maison de Bang Bang
d) is called Quentin, attended Harrow, and played lacrosse for England
4. Kate's younger sister Pippa won which dubious accolade in 2008?
a) Wayne Rooney tried to pick her up at a Manchester nightclub
b) Fourth place in the Rear of the Year
c) Tatler magazine's "most desirable singleton"
d). Runner-up in the Daily Mail Posh Totty of the Year list
5. Stephen Fry took the opportunity of the royal announcement to...
a) tweet that he thought the couple should do the modern, non-gender-specific thing and have a civil partnership instead of a marriage
b) write to the couple on notepaper headed "From the Office of Stephen Fry", making it known he would, "for the appropriate emoluments", graciously be prepared to appear at the wedding
c) tweet that he would be sending the couple a copy of his latest book "which is available at all good retail outlets"
d) say nothing
6. Which of these was NOT an engagement-related item for sale on eBay last week?
a) Commemorative thimble at £1.99
b) Prince William faux-fur posing pouch at £7.99
c) Up-skirt pictures of Kate at £4.99
d) The domain "katewilliam.com" at a buy-it-now price of £5,000
7. Kate Middleton and her sister Pippa have been called the "Wisteria Sisters". Why?
a) Their parents' home in Berkshire is covered in wisteria blossom every May.
b) They are droopy, drippy and slightly poisonous
c) They are decorative, fragrant and excellent at climbing
d) They do ramble on a bit
8. Is Kate Middleton ...
a) unemployed, controversially collecting her Jobseeker's Allowance in the family's Range Rover each week.
b) a trainee handbag designer
c) an executive with a Mayfair public relations firm
d) a website designer for mummy and daddy's company
9. Where was Kate educated?
a) Cheltenham Ladies' College
d) Feltham Young Offenders' Institute
10. The headline on the engagement in the Caledonian Mercury was:
a) "Couple who met at university to marry"
b) "Largs tipped as honeymoon venue"
c) "Dunfermline baker bids for wedding cake contract"
d) "Furore over royal wedding snub to Scotland"
11. The Daily Mail has run how many words on the royal engagement?
12. The following is an actual headline from last week's Belfast Telegraph: "Take it from me, we'll hear a lot more about these two"
13. When the couple marry they are expected to live in ...
a) the east wing of Windsor Castle
b) his mother's old premises at Kensington Palace
c) an out-of-the-way place in North Wales
d) Glamis Castle
14. Who or what will pay for the wedding?
a) The taxpayer
b) An increase in tuition fees at selected universities
c) Prince Charles
d) The bride's parents (subject to audit)
15. The stag do, to be organised by Prince Harry, is ...
a) a day of paintballing and go-karting, followed by a night getting bladdered
b) a novelty Nazi-era costume party
c) an easyJet flight to Prague, visit to a hostess club, followed by a diplomatic incident
d) er, not arranged yet.
16. Prince Charles has given William ...
a) advice on how to make a non-royal bride feel part of the family
b) a pot of Duchy Estates damson and quince jam
c) lots of money
d) an old ring he found lying about
17. How much did the ring cost?
a) £1,600 down and £65 a month for 84 months at an APR of 22.5 per cent.
d) The lives of four miners
18. What is Prince William's pet name for Kate?
b) Doors to manual
c) Mrs Muggle
19. What, says Prince Charles, could Camilla be known as after he becomes king? a) The Princess Consort
b) The Royal Partner
c) Her Majesty The Queen
d) HRH The Other Woman
20. Which football club does Prince William support?
a) Aston Villa
b) East Fife
c) Manchester United
d) Rotherham United
Count five for every correct answer: 1. b; 2. a; 3. c; 4. c; 5. d; 6. b; 7. c; 8. d; 9. b; 10. a; 11. d; 12. a; 13. c; 14. c; 15. d; 16. d; 17. b; 18. a; 19. c; 20. a.
How you rate
80-100 You are a born forelock-tugger, far too knowledgable about these matters. Are you sure you're reading the right newspaper?
50-75 You have been paying attention, haven't you? So much for telling friends and family that you "couldn't care less" about the wedding.
15-45 An admirable score, suggesting that you find the couple no more interesting than any other pair of young people unknown to you.
0-10: Well, there's ignorance - and then there's ignorance. This score indicates you have not only read none of the coverage, but also that you aren’t very good at quizzes, either.