A mental health campaigner who launched an international search for a man who saved his life during a bout of suicidal depression will spend Christmas in hospital after his illness worsened.
Jonny Benjamin suffers from schizophrenia and suicidal thoughts and told viewers on his YouTube channel last night that he was at “rock bottom” and was going to check himself into hospital for this own safety.
Earlier this year Mr Benjamin launched the #FindMike hashtag to help him locate a man who talked him out of attempting suicide in central London six years earlier. His search went viral and was ultimately successful.
"I absolutely cannot stand myself, being in my skin, doing this - hearing my voice. I hate, hate myself. How do you recover from that? I don't know if I can,” he said in his new video.
Thank-you for your tweets. I'm back in hospital and will be in here over Christmas. Really struggling but determined to overcome this.— Jonny Benjamin (@MrJonnyBenjamin) December 21, 2014
"Just when I think I can't get any worse, it somehow seems to. I really am at rock bottom and I see my suicide as the only escape from it. I can't be around anyone any more. When I am, I am shaking, trembling ... even around the people that I love,” he said.
"So, yeah - I'm going into hospital. I don't want to go - I desperately don't want to go, but I don't have a choice."
Quotes on depression
Quotes on depression
1/14 Alistair Campbell
Alistair Campbell: "One day, we will look back and wonder how on earth we used to believe that depression was a lifestyle choice, only to be debated and taken seriously when an A List film star took his life, and the world filled with people saying how shocked and saddened they were. "
2/14 On living with depression
Stephen Fry: "Depression is as real as the weather…it’s all about a kind of mental umbrella. 'Hey-ho, it’s raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage.'"
3/14 On living with depression
Ernest Hemingway: "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." (He also said "happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know")
4/14 On living with depression
Jonathan Davis: "A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it."
5/14 On passing judgement on depression
Geoffrey Boycott: "Until you've had depression I don't think you're qualified to talk about it."
6/14 Jack Dee
Jack Dee: "I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere."
7/14 On living with depression
Jason Manford: "The world needs you even if you don't think it does. I promise, we need you here, now."
8/14 Author Jeanette Winterson
Art saved me; it got me through my depression and self-loathing, back to a place of innocence.
9/14 On life and depression
Agatha Christie: "I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know that just to be alive is a grand thing."
10/14 On living with depression
Albert Camus: "In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."
11/14 On dealing with low mood
Dolly Parton "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
12/14 If you're feeling depressed right now..
Annabel Giles: "If you’re depressed right now, then let's remember that we only have to do today, that's all. Nothing more. We can do just a day, can't we? And don’t forget, we haven't always been like this. The good days will come back. We've just go to do as much as we can, when we can."
13/14 Helen Keller on looking for the positive
Helen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
14/14 On it happening to all of us
Mariella Frostrup: "Only those with skin as thick as elephant hide can hope to sail through their teens unscathed by self-doubt and bouts of depression."
After receiving support from contacts on the internet Mr Benjamin tweeted his thanks.
"Thank-you for tweets -feel v touched by support,” he said.
Yesterday he tweeted that he was “really struggling but determined to overcome this”.
Suicide is preventable and anyone who feels they are at risk should contact Samaritans.Reuse content