Brown's prima donna: 'I want my espresso at 3pm!'
Sunday 16 November 2008
Gordon Brown's new cabinet enforcer has issued an 11-page document to civil servants which spells out exactly how he would like to be treated by them.
Liam Byrne has laid out detailed instructions, ranging from what type of coffee he likes – and when – to how his office should be laid out and how his diary must be cleared by each Thursday evening so he can retreat to his constituency.
The exhaustive memo compiled by the new Cabinet Office minister reads like a script from the satirical comedy programme 'The Thick of It', which pokes fun at the preposterous control-freakery of New Labour politicians.
Entitled 'Working with Liam Byrne', the document presents a list of dos and don'ts, including: "Coffee/Lunch. I'm addicted to coffee. I like a cappuccino when I come in, an espresso at 3pm and soup at 12.30-1pm. The room should be cleared before I arrive in the morning. I like the papers set out in the office before I get in. The whiteboards should be cleared. If I see things that are not of acceptable quality, I will blame you."
Mr Byrne, who is responsible for co-ordinating government departments, also orders officials to tell him "not what you think I should know but you expect I will get asked". He adds: "Never put anything to me unless you understand it and can explain it to me in 60 seconds."
- 1 This restaurant has misunderstood the concept of 'cheese and biscuits'
- 2 Raif Badawi, the Saudi Arabian blogger sentenced to 1,000 lashes, may now face death penalty
- 3 Delhi bus rapist blames dead victim for attack because 'girls are responsible for rape'
- 4 PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
- 5 Have sex with your iPad thanks to the new sex toy no-one asked for
Raif Badawi, the Saudi Arabian blogger sentenced to 1,000 lashes, may now face death penalty
Delhi bus rapist blames dead victim for attack because 'girls are responsible for rape'
PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
Spiritual leader allegedly manipulated 400 men into removing testicles to be 'closer to God'
The 'sex selfie stick' lets you FaceTime the inside of a vagina
New theory could prove how life began and disprove God
This is what it's like to be dead, according to a guy who died for a bit
End of the licence fee: BBC to back radical overhaul of how it is funded
'Jihadi John': CAGE representative storms off Sky News accusing Kay Burley of Islamophobia
Ukip would cut billions from Scottish budget to fund English tax cuts
Nearly 100,000 of Britain's poorest children go hungry after parents' benefits are cut
£7 - £9 per hour: Recruitment Genius: Are you outgoing? Do you want to work in...
£45000 - £55000 per annum + 30 days holiday: Ashdown Group: Finance Manager - ...
£28000 - £30000 per annum: Ashdown Group: 3rd Line Support Engineer / Network ...
£26000 - £33000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Web Developer is required to ...