Just when John Prescott thought jokes at his expense couldn't get any worse, a new book looks likely to add to his woes.
The John Prescott Kama Sutra by Sun columnist Kelvin MacKenzie promises readers advice about sex from the "minister who really knows how to administer".
Mr MacKenzie's reworking of the venerable Joy of Sex offers the reader tips on how "pleasure like Prezza". It will feature illustrations similar to those of Alex Comfort's 1970s best-seller, with Mr Prescott taking the place of the bearded lover.
Following revelations about the Deputy Prime Minister's affair with his former secretary, Tracey Temple, Mr MacKenzie will examine Mr Prescott's techniques, including "Memorial Servicing: in which Prescott dashes back from a memorial service at St Paul's and tries it on with his lover".
Flexible lovers are invited to try the "Admiralty Arch-Back, where Prescott stands to attention and his girlfriend salutes him as they have sex standing up at his flat in Admiralty Arch (paid for by the taxpayer)".
Mr MacKenzie, a former Sun editor, plans to launch the £6.99 tome at the Labour Party conference in October. He is hiring a bodyguard in case Mr Prescott lives up to one of his nicknames - Two Jabs.
Mr MacKenzie ponders whether Mr Prescott's rumoured extra-marital indiscretions, as yet unverified, will lead to his being forced out of office: "It's interesting to see at how many shags he has to go? At Two Shags that's fine, but what if he starts being known as Seven Shags?"
The television production company Mentorn, responsible for the satire of David Blunkett's affair with Spectator publisher Kimberly Fortier, A Very Social Secretary, is planning a new drama based on the Prescott saga.Reuse content