Nevin's notes: 04/05/2010
An alternative take on the election
Tuesday 04 May 2010
Katie Price stays mum
Ding! Yes, the bell has gone for the last lap, and you will be anxious for further information before coming to a final choice. Sadly, though, I'm beginning to give up on eliciting the voting intentions of the Katie Price formerly known as Jordan, despite having just received this message asking me to renew my subscription to her fan club: "I really hope you stay! Love and kisses. Katie xxx". The minx. I do hope, however, to confirm my suspicions that the Wurzels may well be hung; and there is also that story about Jack Straw and the ice cream van I promised to tell you. Four days!
Tory plans are a joke
Laugh! At last a party viral that's funny. It's Labour imagining a housewife up to her elbows in David Cameron's "big society", in the kitchen, catching up after a spot of lollypopping and light social work, and cooking tea for her daughter, just in from road resurfacing. The telephone rings: "Hallo," she says, "Parole Board?". Excellent!
Gove does a runner
Actually, while we're on the Big S, yesterday it almost tripped up Michael Gove, the Tory education spokesman, who has had a big campaign. But so has his questioner, Evan Davis, of the BBC's Today programme, whose chummy but deadly faux-naivety is a joy. Gove was in all sorts of trouble over the, how shall we say, sketchy-airy nature of the BS, but just managed to accelerate away into the sports segment. Next time?
Chris has crashed
But not for you, Chris Grayling, the shadow Home Secretary who made his B(&B) conditionally homosexual and now must lie on it. Office could be hours away for Michael and David and Ken and (possibly) George, but Chris has crashed. The new man for the Home Office is Jeremy Hunt, former culture spokesman, Britain's sexiest MP, 2007, and a Cameroony of such dedication that he is also expecting a baby. Actually, Jeremy is a very keen Latin dancer, which reminds me...
Blair to don sequins
Tango! Great news for Tony Blair, who, I understand, has been at something of a loose end since stepping down: an offer to join Dancing With the Stars, the American Strictly Come Dancing. This is Conrad Green, the producer: "Tony ... come and put some sequins on and have a real life". Splendid. It runs in the family, you know: I was watching Lionel still strutting his stuff just recently. He's had his political moments, too: he used to have a dog which he named Eric in tribute to another member of the clan, George Orwell.
Diving in at the deep end is no excuse for shirking the style stakes
- 2 PornHub begs users to stop uploading video clips of Brazil getting beaten 7-1
- 3 Why I'm on the brink of burning my Israeli passport
- 4 L'Oreal cuts ties with Belgium supporter Axelle Despiegelaere after hunting trip photographs
- 5 The true Gaza back-story that the Israelis aren’t telling this week
Game of Thrones author George RR Martin says 'f*** you' to fans who fear he will die before finishing Westeros saga
Supermoon 2014: When and why will the moon look bigger and brighter this summer?
Gaza-Israel conflict: The terrible price children are paying for Israel’s war with Hamas
Rotten-egg smell of farts could help battle heart disease and Alzheimer's
Online trolls target alleged rape victim Jada, by copying how she appeared in video of attack
Sustained immigration has not harmed Britons' employment, say government advisers
7/7 memorial defaced on anniversary of 2005 attacks with ‘Blair lied thousands died’ graffiti
Australia facing international condemnation after turning around Sri Lankans at sea
War is war: Why I stand with Israel
Even when it brutalises one of its own teenage citizens, America is helpless against Israel
Socialist Worker called to apologise over ‘vile’ article saying Eton schoolboy Horatio Chapple's death is ‘reason to save the polar bears’
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