Nevin's notes: 04/05/2010
An alternative take on the election
Tuesday 04 May 2010
Katie Price stays mum
Ding! Yes, the bell has gone for the last lap, and you will be anxious for further information before coming to a final choice. Sadly, though, I'm beginning to give up on eliciting the voting intentions of the Katie Price formerly known as Jordan, despite having just received this message asking me to renew my subscription to her fan club: "I really hope you stay! Love and kisses. Katie xxx". The minx. I do hope, however, to confirm my suspicions that the Wurzels may well be hung; and there is also that story about Jack Straw and the ice cream van I promised to tell you. Four days!
Tory plans are a joke
Laugh! At last a party viral that's funny. It's Labour imagining a housewife up to her elbows in David Cameron's "big society", in the kitchen, catching up after a spot of lollypopping and light social work, and cooking tea for her daughter, just in from road resurfacing. The telephone rings: "Hallo," she says, "Parole Board?". Excellent!
Gove does a runner
Actually, while we're on the Big S, yesterday it almost tripped up Michael Gove, the Tory education spokesman, who has had a big campaign. But so has his questioner, Evan Davis, of the BBC's Today programme, whose chummy but deadly faux-naivety is a joy. Gove was in all sorts of trouble over the, how shall we say, sketchy-airy nature of the BS, but just managed to accelerate away into the sports segment. Next time?
Chris has crashed
But not for you, Chris Grayling, the shadow Home Secretary who made his B(&B) conditionally homosexual and now must lie on it. Office could be hours away for Michael and David and Ken and (possibly) George, but Chris has crashed. The new man for the Home Office is Jeremy Hunt, former culture spokesman, Britain's sexiest MP, 2007, and a Cameroony of such dedication that he is also expecting a baby. Actually, Jeremy is a very keen Latin dancer, which reminds me...
Blair to don sequins
Tango! Great news for Tony Blair, who, I understand, has been at something of a loose end since stepping down: an offer to join Dancing With the Stars, the American Strictly Come Dancing. This is Conrad Green, the producer: "Tony ... come and put some sequins on and have a real life". Splendid. It runs in the family, you know: I was watching Lionel still strutting his stuff just recently. He's had his political moments, too: he used to have a dog which he named Eric in tribute to another member of the clan, George Orwell.
New essay by JK Rowling went live on Pottermore site on Friday
Top Gear presenter is no stranger to foot-in-mouth controversy
New UK station Russia Today gives a very bizarre view of Britain
- 1 Canadian actor punched in face after 'Islamophobia' experiment goes wrong in wake of Ottawa shooting
- 2 Topshop at centre of row over body image as 'shocking' skinny mannequin photo goes viral
- 3 Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson criticised for beer tweet
- 4 Woman blinded as a child can see again after hitting her head on a coffee table
- 5 The bubble bursts for Sodastream
'Nasa Confirms Six Days of Darkness in December': No, they don't - it's a hoax
Woman blinded as a child can see again after hitting her head on a coffee table
Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson criticised for beer tweet
The bubble bursts for Sodastream
Russian politician says Apple CEO Tim Cook should be 'banned' from country after coming out as gay
Pope Francis declares evolution and Big Bang theory are real and God is not 'a magician with a magic wand'
Huge surge in Ukip support after EU funding row, according to new poll
Ukip ‘exploiting grooming scandal’ to secure party’s first police chief
Nigel Farage: 'There’s nothing wrong with white people blacking up'
Maureen Lipman says 'she can't vote Labour while Ed Miliband is leader'
Muslims, immigration and teenage pregnancy: British people are ignorant about almost everything
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