Nevin's notes: 04/05/2010
An alternative take on the election
Tuesday 04 May 2010
Katie Price stays mum
Ding! Yes, the bell has gone for the last lap, and you will be anxious for further information before coming to a final choice. Sadly, though, I'm beginning to give up on eliciting the voting intentions of the Katie Price formerly known as Jordan, despite having just received this message asking me to renew my subscription to her fan club: "I really hope you stay! Love and kisses. Katie xxx". The minx. I do hope, however, to confirm my suspicions that the Wurzels may well be hung; and there is also that story about Jack Straw and the ice cream van I promised to tell you. Four days!
Tory plans are a joke
Laugh! At last a party viral that's funny. It's Labour imagining a housewife up to her elbows in David Cameron's "big society", in the kitchen, catching up after a spot of lollypopping and light social work, and cooking tea for her daughter, just in from road resurfacing. The telephone rings: "Hallo," she says, "Parole Board?". Excellent!
Gove does a runner
Actually, while we're on the Big S, yesterday it almost tripped up Michael Gove, the Tory education spokesman, who has had a big campaign. But so has his questioner, Evan Davis, of the BBC's Today programme, whose chummy but deadly faux-naivety is a joy. Gove was in all sorts of trouble over the, how shall we say, sketchy-airy nature of the BS, but just managed to accelerate away into the sports segment. Next time?
Chris has crashed
But not for you, Chris Grayling, the shadow Home Secretary who made his B(&B) conditionally homosexual and now must lie on it. Office could be hours away for Michael and David and Ken and (possibly) George, but Chris has crashed. The new man for the Home Office is Jeremy Hunt, former culture spokesman, Britain's sexiest MP, 2007, and a Cameroony of such dedication that he is also expecting a baby. Actually, Jeremy is a very keen Latin dancer, which reminds me...
Blair to don sequins
Tango! Great news for Tony Blair, who, I understand, has been at something of a loose end since stepping down: an offer to join Dancing With the Stars, the American Strictly Come Dancing. This is Conrad Green, the producer: "Tony ... come and put some sequins on and have a real life". Splendid. It runs in the family, you know: I was watching Lionel still strutting his stuff just recently. He's had his political moments, too: he used to have a dog which he named Eric in tribute to another member of the clan, George Orwell.
- 1 Cecil the lion: Dentist Walter Palmer blames local guides in Zimbabwe for the scandal
- 2 Kate Winslet thanked 'particularly horrible' girl who bullied her at school after Titanic success
- 3 Norwich paedophile ring: Woman at centre of gang who made children 'sexual play things' guilty of 23 offences
- 4 Black and ethnic minority people twice as likely to be hit by Tory cuts than white people, report finds
- 5 Walter Palmer: Cecil the lion killer revealed to be American dentist
Kate Winslet thanked 'particularly horrible' girl who bullied her at school after Titanic success
Norwich paedophile ring: Woman at centre of gang who made children 'sexual play things' guilty of 23 offences
Model's video shoot on the beach interrupted by sudden landing of a group of illegal migrants
Black and ethnic minority people twice as likely to be hit by Tory cuts than white people, report finds
Walter Palmer: Cecil the lion killer revealed to be American dentist
Labour leadership contender Jeremy Corbyn says 'we can learn a great deal from Karl Marx'
The last thing Labour needs is a leader like Jeremy Corbyn who people want to vote for
Yvette Cooper: Our choice is years of Tory rule under Jeremy Corbyn – or a return to a Labour government
I am the Jeremy Corbyn supporter that many will tell you doesn't exist
Public anger after French sunbather beaten up by gang for wearing a bikini in Reims park
Labour leadership: New poll shows party is now even 'less electable' than under Ed Miliband
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