PMQs: Here's a sentence I never thought I'd write. The Tories are frightened of Jeremy Corbyn

The Tory backbenches did their usual thing, and growled like beta male walruses flapping mateless in the shallows, but they cannot pretend they're not frightened of Jeremy Corbyn

That world-weary geography teacher schtick? It works. It really is their own time they're wasting (AFP/Getty)

It’s a clumsy business, democracy, and representative democracy especially so, but general elections do occasionally make the will of the people clear. It’s three months since the great British public made known beyond doubt their view that, given the choice, they absolutely do not want either Theresa May or Jeremy Corbyn to be Prime Minister. So what better topic of discussion for two leaders who should both have quit long ago than the scourge of unscrupulous bosses?

That said, even the neutral observer can see that the man who no one in their right mind ever thought could possibly ever become Prime Minister was by some margin the more Prime Ministerial of the two. If 8 June was the date Theresa May smashed her credibility to pieces like a dropped vase, it was also the date Jeremy Corbyn had a vaguely commendable attempt at picking up his own and glueing it back together.

When the Labour leader raised the “£11.8m” pay of McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook (who happens to be a Brit, from Watford) in contrast to the “£4.75 an hour” paid to many of its zero-hours contract staff, the Prime Minister replied that “McDonald’s pay is a matter for McDonald’s”. It’s distinctly possible some of the howls of derision came from her own side at an answer so pathetic that, had it been a football match, Theresa May could not have complained at being booed off by her own fans.

The usual suspects – Michael Ellis, Sir Desmond Swayne – did their usual boorish thing and growled like beta male walruses flapping mateless in the shallows, but who ever would have thought the big beast would be the man in the cheap suit with the chicken neck who is "increasingly" becoming a vegan. That world-weary geography teacher schtick? It works. It really is their own time they're wasting. Here’s a sentence I never, ever, ever thought I’d write: they are frightened of him. And with good reason.

Theresa May, of course, is no good at this. But once upon a time there persisted a suspicion she might be good at other aspects of the job. Not any more. Actually, that’s not quite right. You don’t need to know what Bill Clinton absolutely did not do with that woman Mrs Lewinsky to know that staring resolutely ahead, pointing your finger, and making stern statements that happen to be completely untrue are also a crucial weapon in the modern political leader’s armoury.

And so we must add to that collection Theresa May’s closing, carefully pre-planned rhetorical flourish: “You only get a strong economy and a better future with the Conservatives.” Somewhere, perhaps on one of Saturn’s less hospitable moons, there may live a creature, who pays little enough attention to current affairs genuinely to believe that could be true. But back here on earth, a place the Conservatives increasingly show no outward sign of maintaining contact with, there is not a soul left who can believe that.

Of course, you’ll get a dreadful economy and a terrible future with Labour too, but that’s a problem for another election. And absolutely no one’s in a hurry for one of those.