The nation is crying out for leadership

These are difficult times for British politics and the country is crying out for new leadership. The voters are looking for a politician with a record of honesty and openness, who has not taken a penny piece from the public purse, nor broken a manifesto promise. I can report that I have found the very person. Allow me to introduce this paragon, this beacon of hope: the former parliamentary candidate for Stretford and Urmston, Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexis Price.

Katie Price stood in the 2001 general election under the slogan, "For a Bigger and Betta Future". She promised free breast implants, more nudist beaches and an end to parking tickets. The time was not ripe, but she won 713 votes, or 1.8 per cent of the total: a solid foundation on which to build for the future. Since then, she has applied herself to that mission with a commitment that makes Gordon Brown's promise to do "whatever it takes" look like a half-hearted attempt to appear interested.

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She has done whatever it took to expand her relationship with her potential electorate: implants; remove implants; change name; Botox; get married; and, last week, split up. Here is someone who knows about staying in the public eye.

She plays the media like a political pro. Her break-up with Peter Andre has prompted fevered speculation about whether or not it is a publicity stunt. Even if it isn't, it has attracted yet more attention.

She knows a thing or two about decontaminating a brand, too. "Jordan" was adopted as a nom de Page 3 with the explicit intention of preventing the association with The Sun from getting in the way of other modelling work. The former glamour model is now an author, with three autobiographies to her name (or names), which her husband unfortunately admitted he had not read, plus a series of equally ghostwritten novels. And she is a television personality, presenting a new series of Katie and Peter:The Next Chapter Stateside on ITV2 on Thursdays (with a "family version" on Tuesdays without the simulated sex). In addition, she is an actress (resting) and a businesswoman (when it comes to business she claims to be "1,000 per cent smarter" than her husband, but "when it comes to general knowledge and things, I'm as thick as shit and he is smarter").

At a time when politicians generally are being howled down in television studios and on radio phone-ins for trying to keep secret all manner of embarrassing "errors of judgement within the rules", Katie Price has one great advantage. She has always followed a policy of absolute freedom of information. In an interview in OK! magazine a few days ago she said that Peter Andre, her husband, took "far too long at" sex and has "got a big dick".

While conventional politicians such as Gordon Brown and David Cameron might talk about transparency, it is the guiding principle of her life. Much of it has been lived in the pages of celebrity magazines and on chat-show sofas, including some arguments with her husband. When she "flipped" her main home to Malibu, California, not only did she not charge the taxpayer a thing, but she filmed it all so that we could satisfy our curiosity about every detail. If only Sir Menzies Campbell had done the same when he did up his "grotty" flat in Westminster, the voters would surely have understood why he needed to claim £1,420 for his four bedside shelves.

Politicians all over the world could learn a great deal, too, from that OK! interview. It was a model of openness about their domestic arrangements. "Can you tell my wife to get a move on, please? Stop giving it large and telling everyone we're going to have loads of sex after the marathon," said Peter. "I'm still waiting!"

It was also the interview, published on the day that their break-up was announced, in which Peter said: "I've proven my loyalty again and again. I'll always be loyal... if I want to do something, I want to do it properly. Like with my marriage. Everyone said it was for the cameras, that it would last five minutes... when you make a vow to someone, you stick with them no matter what."

Ah. Yes. Well, vote for her, anyway. And hope the break-up is like the Subbuteo scam of a few years back. The toy company said it was discontinuing production due to falling demand. Fans launched a campaign to save it. The company announced it would be reprieved. Maybe Katie and Peter are the same – wobbly plastic people that stand up again when knocked over.

Alan Watkins is away