Ukip silk bow ties, Green Party T-shirts, and 'Iron Baby' romper suits: How to shop politically

Following Labour's offer of a limited-edition Grayson Perry bag to its donors, Simon Usborne looks at the many merchandising opportunities other parties are cashing in on

Roar appeal: Grayson Perry's lion bag, which is available to Labour supporters for £19

If next year's general election is as close as predicted, there is a very small chance that the future of Britain will be decided according to the popularity of shopping bags. Labour is the latest party with a funding crisis and panic in its ranks to enter what might be called the totes-for-votes campaign as political merchandising takes off in a big and rarely tasteful way.

"We have something very special to offer you today…" teased an email sent to the party's embattled members and supporters this week. "Donate £19 towards a Labour victory now, and you'll get your very own, special-edition Grayson Perry canvas bag/work of art. Numbers are strictly limited, so make sure you get in early."

The bag features a red print of a ceramic lion that Perry donated to Labour at a celeb-heavy gala dinner in July (it sold for £42,000). The appeal, which avoids mentioning the party leader, does not say how many bags were produced, nor in which country, though The Mail on Sunday may or may not be making enquiries, purely in the interest of workers' rights.

The donation approach is original – bag buyers are encouraged to hand over more than £19 if they wish – but the bag approach itself totes isn't. Over to the official online Tory store and the "Out & About" category, where a bag featuring the party's patriotic tree logo is yours for just £4.50. The link on the home page to the "Maggie" category shows an alternative featuring a life-size print of the Iron Lady's handbag, but it appears to have sold out. Available products include magnets, "U-turn" T-shirts and an "Iron Baby" romper suit.

Not to be outdone, Ukip's shop has a whole bag category that used to include a tote with the slogan "The EU is NOT my bag". But it has since done away with canvas for good old British plastic. A white plastic bag ("An ideal promotional item, priced accordingly for bulk purchases") is 50p for one or just £20 if you buy 100. Twelve pounds gives you a choice of two posher bags – a leafleting satchel in fluorescent yellow or a soft briefcase that is "perfect for laptops" and copies of the Daily Express.

The priciest items at the Ukip shop are a silk bow tie and handkerchief set for £30, an umbrella for £25 and a Swarovski "£" logo brooch for £15. Everything else is dirt cheap, which suggests shoppers come in large numbers because the party's accounts revealed it made £80,000 on merchandise last year. This will include sales at the party conference, where products in Doncaster in September included diamanté lanyards and a ladies' white chiffon scarf "tastefully featuring the Ukip logo in gentle lilac".

Political parties are suffering financially as memberships decline and the cost of doing politics rises. A former Labour minister told this newspaper last week that the party would struggle to spend the £19m permitted for campaign funding by law as Ed Miliband prepared to "pass the begging bowl round to the unions". The desperation was barely suppressed on the new Perry-tote web page. "Election day is sooner than you think," it reads. "Can we count on your ongoing support?"

Yet despite the potential revenue from rubbish trinkets, however small, the Liberal Democrats, whose finances are as parlous as their poll ratings, do not have an official online store. Merchandise that was available offline at its conference last year included a badge for each of the MPs it still had as well as a prophetic piggy bank made in the form of a panic button: "Break glass in case of an emergency".

It would be undemocratic not to give the Green Party a role in this sorry shopping trip. Its tiny online store is suitably practical, featuring T-shirts ("CARBON CUTS NOT JOB CUTS") and posters about fracking, badgers and HS2, as well as a high-visibility vest for more prominent canvassing. Yet no canvas bag. There's still time, guys, just about.