Who needs verbs? Prescott in his own words

Labour Party conference, Brighton, 29 September 1993

The Labour Party leader, John Smith, had committed himself to abolishing the trade union block vote. The unions had to be persuaded to use their block votes accordingly. Had Smith lost, Tony Blair would probably not have been elected Labour leader the next year. A passionate intervention by John Prescott helped pull off a very narrow victory.

"There is no doubt that this man, our leader, put his head on the block by saying basically, "I fervently believe in a relationship - and a strong one - between the trades unions and the Labour Party". He has put his head there; now it is time to vote. Give us a little trust."

The Verdict: The voice rose, the hands began to swing like yardarms, the syntax disappeared. Entirely wrong words began to appear in unexpected places... Sometimes he seemed to be advocating the opposite of his case, but with equal passion. No matter. The delegates loved it. Simon Hoggart, The Guardian. Yesterday in Brighton, John Prescott went 12 rounds with the English language and left it slumped and bleeding over the ropes. Matthew Parris, The Times.

House of Commons, 5 April 1995

Prescott is deputy leader of the opposition and is being advised by skilled spin doctors and image makers on how to improve his presentation. John Major has promised tax cuts in the autumn in the week when tax rises imposed at the previous Budget came into effect.

"If the economy is so strong that the Prime Minister can offer tax cuts this November and next November - why are taxes going up again on Thursday? People now know that when it comes to tax, you can never trust a Tory."

The Verdict: Boom-boom! His first soundbite! The man who has given us sound-chews, sound-gobbles and sound-munches galore, but never anything so compact as a bite, had finally done it. John Prescott's political testicles have dropped. Matthew Parris, The Times.

Labour Party conference, Brighton, 1 October 1997

Prescott is at his first conference as Deputy Prime Minister. The rail unions had put down a motion proposing that the railways be returned to state ownership. Prescott was able to persuade the delegates to shelve the motion, by hinting at unspecified plans to nationalise parts of the network some time in the future.

"From now on, the franchise director's job will be to promote the integration of transport. Not the privatisation of transport... We're advancing the decentralisation... modelled on their successful Scotch and Welsh counterparts... I opposed the Tory raily [sic] sell-off. I give that promise how to integrate a public accountable railway! To produce a report to be the best way... £4bn at the first priority."

The Verdict: Veteran Prescott-watchers know that once a Prescott speech begins, nobody - least of all Mr Prescott - can be sure where it will end or where it may go on the way. Nothing is certain except that sooner or later the wheels will come off. Yesterday the wheels came off early. Matthew Parris, The Times.

House of Commons, 14 April 1999

With Tony Blair in Brussels, meeting Kofi Annan, John Prescott deputised for him at PMQs. A Tory MP asked him about the withholding tax, a device that discourages the rich from sheltering their money in offshore holdings. Unable to understand the question, Mr Prescott assumed he was being asked about people who withhold their taxes, and recalled how protesters used to refuse to pay the poll tax.

"Well, as Secretary of State for the Environment, that disastrous poll tax is one that I am constantly having to deal with. You should bear in mind, that what we have now settled with the local authorities is the most generous settlement they have ever received!"

The Verdict: "Prescott left the road, overturned, demolished a wall, hit several trees and came to rest upturned in the smoking wreckage of his ministerial reputation. We may now never know whether Mr Prescott did know what the 'withholding tax' was." Matthew Parris, The Times. "It was terrible. It was also ghastly, chaotic, miserable and floor-staringly, mouth puckeringly, embarrassing." Simon Hoggart, The Guardian.

Party Conference, Bournemouth, 29 September 1999

In opposition, Labour had attacked the Tories for proposing to sell-off air traffic control, and had promised to keep it within public ownership. In office, they had changed their minds. Mr Prescott's task was to explain to conference delegates why.

"It needs over a billion pounds to keep up with growing air movements... airlines are satisfied with that. The RAF is satisfied with that... Last year I said the railways were a national disgrace. Well, the industry has made the effort. The first signs of improvement are starting to show, but I say to the rail companies: "You are on probation."

The Verdict: "This was Prezza desperate to be taken seriously... He managed to stumble through this treacly prose without actually falling down, and he got some laughs from his carefully contrived jokes. But where was the passion?"Paul Routledge, Daily Mirror. "John Prescott's bawled cacophony of verbless sentences and misplaced definite articles."Matthew Parris, The Times.

House of Commons, 24 May 2000

After 13 months, John Prescott is entrusted to handle Prime Minister's questions again. He had to explain Tony Blair's absence due to the birth of his son Leo, welcome the completion of a section of the M6, and defend the Dome.

"The Prime Minister has been working throughout the night on exhausting domestic matters. I am sure the country and the House will wish to join me in expressing warm congratulations on the birth of baby Leo, 6lb 12oz... (the M6) is very much part of the integrated tranning, (sic) er transport planning that is now going on... Seven limmion (sic) people have visited that facility (the Dome). That is a huge amount of people."

The Verdict: "His strategy was to speak. Very. Carefully. Reading. Where. Possible. But suffering from over-confidence after getting nine words right in a row, he gave us: "Whilst. He. Might. Be. Promising to do things for Furnishers. Pensioners." Simon Carr, The Independent.

House of Commons, 30 October 2001

Taking Prime Minister's questions while Tony Blair was in the Middle East, Prescott defended the UK's decision to overthrow the Taliban, but appeared to think cannabis, rather than heroin, was produced in Afghanistan.

"The objectives remain the same and indeed it has been made clear by the Prime Minister in a speech yesterday that the objectives are clear. And the one about the removal of the Taliban is not something we have as a clear objective but it is possibly a consequence that will flow from the Tallybin [sic] clearly giving protection to bin Laden and the UN resolution made it absolutely clear that anyone that finds them in that position declares themselves an enemy and that clearly is a matter for these objectives."

House of Commons, 9 June 2004

With Blair in the US, Prescott had to pay tribute to the recently deceased Ronald Reagan. He pronounced the name incorrectly, and was interrupted by shouts of "Ray-gun"

"Whatever was said about President Reagan... he contributed to reducing WMDs, which assisted in world peace today"

The Verdict: "In a truly glorious fashion... he gave a sort of a tribute to someone named Mr Reegen." Ann Treneman, The Times.

"Hearing him trying to speak in clear English is a bit like watching a three-toed sloth take up line-dancing" Simon Hoggart, The Guardian.

House of Commons, 29 November 2006

John Prescott's last outing at the Despatch Box at Prime Minister's Questions. He warded off the tricky questions with jokes, which was much enjoyed on the Labour side.

"We look at the polls today, it's the honeymoon [for David Cameron] is over, really. I notice in the papers and on the television, you have now brought in a new person now to get people to vote Tory - Mr Tosser! I don't know which person this man was modelled on on the front bench but I always thought that party was full of them!"

The Verdict: "It was funny, yes, but it was also hard to watch at times. He is like a big old dancing bear who is way past his prime but who can still just about rear up on his arthritic hind legs and shuffle away." Ann Treneman, The Times.