Yogic flyers offer to take Hague on a higher plane

William Hague needed this like he needed a hole in his transcendental consciousness. Just as the Conservative Party leader was starting to work up some gravitas, it was revealed yesterday that up to 3,000 yogic flyers have formed an airborne back-up squad for him.

Something akin to formation flying takes place each month during special monthly "coherence days", and Mr Hague, who is a regular practitioner of transcendental meditation, is to be among their chief beneficiaries.

The Tory leader has already gained maturity, confidence, energy and a rare ability to survive on just a few hours sleep from his ability to tap into "the silent reservoir of creativity at the base of his thinking process", according to the Natural Law Party.

With the help of his own political flying squad he and his fellow politicians can now reach an even higher level of consciousness.

Yogic flyers around the country who get together on a regular basis to practise their art and to create a special energy are offering up their powers to Mr Hague for the good of the Tory party and for politics in general. Already they have cut crime and brought numerous other benefits to Britain, they say, but in future a new sense of harmony could pervade the land.

The followers of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi have been in touch with Mr Hague since he invited them to speak at an Oxford Union debate during his spell as president. In fact, it seems that even the famous conference speech he delivered under the approving eye of Margaret Thatcher in 1977 may have been delivered while under the influence of "TM." The young Hague took up the pursuit at the tender age of 16.

Dr Geoffrey Clements, leader of the Natural Law Party, is in no doubt about the cause of young William's success. "He has built up his personality on the basis of natural law. From the age of 16 he has given importance to unfolding his inner potential.

"We wish him all success in elevating the performance of British politics and government to bring fulfilment to the nation and integration and peace in the world."

But although Mr Hague is clearly the Maharishi's man in British politics, natural law is a generous thing. Even Tony Blair's new Labour can benefit too, because its principles will lead to conflict-free politics for all.

The generosity of the NLP knows no bounds. For just a small fee, the Government could reap extra rewards from its special flying days. "Our intention will be to build them up and to offer to the Government that they could sponsor that programme for the benefit of national life," Dr Clements said.

If Mr Hague fears all this levity will detract from his image as a well- grounded politician, he is hiding his worries well. He is apparently happy to talk about the joys of meditation endlessly, if prompted.