Couples on the couch: Could the Tories' plan to introduce pre-marital counselling reduce Britain's divorce rates?

This week the shadow Families minister, Maria Miller, announced that, under a Conservative government, pre-marital counselling would be offered to all engaged couples, in a bid to cut family break-ups. No one could object to this; it certainly can't do any harm. Forget the fact that the divorce rate is actually at its lowest in nearly 30 years – there were 12.2 divorces for every thousand married couples, and the rate fell by 7 per cent between 2005 and 2006. Forget the fact that increasingly people are cohabiting so wouldn't be eligible for pre-marriage counselling. It's a sort of feel-good wheeze that no doubt is aimed to make the Conservatives appear more touchy-feely.

But the truth is that most married couples stay together for the oddest of reasons and despite, in some cases, terrible odds. Often they simply can't afford to part – and I imagine that these days the financial arguments against divorce will be stronger than ever. Other marriages thrive on diversity. Look at Diana and George Melly, the late jazz singer. They stayed together for 43 years, with Diana nursing him during his last illness; theirs was an open marriage. Each had countless affairs – George's were sometimes with men – and they lived apart for months at a time. Or there was the marathon marriage of Lord Longford to Mary. Never a cross word in 70 years, scrupulously polite to one other, and each no doubt averse to "expressing their feelings" in any way other than affectionately.

Would pre-marriage counselling have helped poor old Prince Charles and Diana? Only had it resulted in their deciding not to get married in the first place. Or at least give it a couple of years before they tied the knot. Couples engage in different ways, some thriving on rows, others on absence, others on togetherness and otherness on formality. It would be difficult to sort out anyone's relationship without at least a year of therapy, and for that there is neither the money available nor good enough therapists.

But wouldn't it be more sensible to use the money for relationship counselling in schools, thus helping children to negotiate relationships with everyone in their later lives – not only angry spouses, but nagging parents and stressed-out bosses?

Real lives: Would you say 'I do' to counselling?

Nick MacMillan, 40

(About to take the plunge)

As we're getting married next June, my fiancée and I should be perfect candidates for Maria Miller's masterplan. Discussing our expectations and hopes for matrimony with a calm counsellor sounds sensible. Friends of ours who married last year had counselling beforehand and say it was a positive experience. Yet I can't help thinking that the Conservatives should back off. We're adults, we've been together five years, and if we can't be trusted to work out our compatibility no cardigan-sporting therapist is going to make much difference.

Miriam Shaw, 37

(Soon to be divorced)

A lot of churches offer something similar already, but I think that if you're getting married you're already in that whirlwind and you don't really care what anyone says – it's all about the dress and the big day! By the time you get to think about counselling, you've already booked the church, picked a venue and tried on a dress. My "decree absolute" comes through in a few weeks, but even if I had had classes before my marriage I would have said whatever was the "right" thing to say. I don't think classes would have helped me at all.

Catherine Douglas, 30

(Newly married)

I've been married for three years, and there's no way I would have wanted to have counselling beforehand. I can see, in theory, why the Conservatives might think this is a good plan – it does make sense for couples to talk about what marriage entails with someone who is experienced. You don't make that kind of commitment in any other situation – you don't promise to have the same job or house for the rest of your life. But it feels a bit nanny state. I think my husband would have said "sod that" to pre-marriage education classes.

Bill Cooper, 54

(Happily married second-timer)

I never turn down free advice. Having been married twice, I know things can go wrong. Love can be blind, and it is amazing how easy it is to forget the most obvious questions. Thought about contraception? Vasectomy? Joint bank account? Er... kids? For second-timers, there are other issues. Who is going to move? What about relations with the ex? Will they come for Christmas? All questions help to make you think about the things that really matter.

In the interests of marital bliss, names have been changed...

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