Death networking: the latest e-trend

Memorial websites for the dead are emerging as a new way of making social contact, rivalling Facebook and MySpace. Initially intended to bear tributes to the deceased, these sites are becoming popular meeting places for strangers in a phenomenon known as death networking.

Gone Too Soon was the first British website to take up on the American phenomenon. But what started as a collection of memorials for recently deceased friends has quickly grown into a new social forum.

The website has grown rapidly since it was set up by entrepreneur Terry George in November 2005. In just over a year, it has gone from having some 500 memorials to more than 10,000, attracting roughly 55,000 visits a day, and is already changing the way its users cope with grief.

And this truly is communal grief. From mothers who have lost babies in childbirth, to those whose relatives have died through suicide, virtual groups are springing up on the site to help the bereaved get in touch with each other. About 100 new memorials are created on Gone Too Soon every day, says site manager Nicola Davis.

"It's really snowballed in the last six months. As the site started to grow, we've seen more evidence of people networking, because they are realising how it can help them. Loads of people log in every day and leave candles and poems on others' tribute sites."

The site allows users to customise their pages by uploading photographs and music, and lets visitors leave their condolences and light virtual candles.

It was messages like these that helped bring relief for Sheila Rothwell, whose son, Ian, committed suicide by setting himself alight on Blackpool beach last year.

"When my son died, I felt sad and alone, especially given the way he died, because people didn't want to talk about it," Ms Rothwell said. "People deliberately avoid me. They've seen the funeral limos outside my house and they don't know what to say. But they will come on the site and light candles. I've had about 4,000 people write on the site but I haven't had 4,000 people knock on my door."

When the grieving mother established a group on the site called We all lost our loved ones through suicide, Gone Too Soon's potential was realised. The support group, which now has more than 30 members, has allowed her to make friends with people who suffered similar losses.

"The site gave me a purpose because I wanted to help other people," Ms Rothwell said. "I didn't know one single person who had lost a child before I put up this page. Now there's a good dozen or so people I speak to every day, and we are able to talk in a common way. You tend to bond with people who have been through what you've been through."

Gone Too Soon claims to be the only UK tribute site to offer free memorials. Its founder, Terry George, funds the site from his nightclub ventures. "It has to be free," said Mr George. "I know people from all backgrounds and want everyone to be able to use it."

But less charitable ventures are not in short supply. Tribute Times charges £35 for a year's memorial, and includes such money-spinning options as sending the bereaved flowers at the click of a button.

Online obituary sites

* www.gonetoosoon.co.uk

Free site with more than 10,000 tributes. Options include displaying photographs, lighting virtual candles and playing the deceased's favourite song when you log in.

* www.tributetimes.co.uk

Offers simple obituaries, giving biographical details and funeral arrangements for £15 for a six-month slot. Or, for £35, you can buy a memorial site. The page also includes a florist link to send flowers to relatives.

* www.remembered-forever.org

Free for the first five days, then a payment of £50 is required. Options include uploading audio and video content. The site also has a Grief Forum.

* www.remembrance.com

US site offers free memorials, with slick video and audio options, as well as messages and tributes.