How Ronnie Barker played the joker

Here are some of Ronnie Barker's most memorable lines:

* "The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies."

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* "The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on."

* "In a packed programme tonight we will be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet."

* "The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."

* "Have you heard the one about the retired general who said he had not had sex since 1956? His friend said, 'That's a long time ago.' 'I don't know,' the general replied, 'it's only 20.27 now."

* A famous Spoonerism from Open All Hours: "Don't just crit their siticising".

* Ronnie Corbett, as an ironmonger: "There you are, four candles." Ronnie Barker, the customer: "No, fork 'andles. 'Andles for forks!"

* As a prisoner in Porridge, when playing Monopoly: "Would you Adam and Eve it? Go to jail!"

* Again from Porridge: "What have I learned, Mr Mackay? Three things. One - bide your time. Two - keep your nose clean. And three - don't let the bastards grind you down."

* "Come on, you aren't there to play the Warsaw Concerto" - to his assistant Granville (David Jason) who is toying nervously with the cash register in Open All Hours.