How to be a social diva

If you thought being a social diva meant behaving like an equal-opportunities prima donna, then Peg Samuel and Lexi Tabback are here to make you think again. They're aiming to take the pejorative sting out of the D-word and re-brand it - via a social-networking website and new handbag-friendly guide - as a post-Sex And The City "certain sassy 21st-century girl-about-town lifestyle and attitude".

"Social divas are fun gals, out there doing the fun things," stresses Samuel, in her no-nonsense New York-ese. "They work all day, party all night, and shop in between. We wanted to help them make the most of these new lifestyle choices and not only keep them in the know about the best parties, launches, fashion sales, restaurants and clubs, but also how to help them realise their full diva potential."

And while this involves everything from throwing "shoe showers" (a coming-out party for your new Manolos) to taking a "disco nap" ("a slumber - one hour max - to refresh the body and mind for the late night ahead"), Samuel cautions that "this is not about female rivalry. It's about friendship".

"The most important thing to realise about social divadom is that it's about self-esteem. The attitude comes from within." In other words, social divas aren't above "doing" stairs, albeit in their finest Jimmy Choos (a brand that, if frequency of citation is anything to go by, serves as a lodestone in the social diva's world - along with Smythson, Jo Malone and Brad Pitt).

The parameters of this razzle-dazzle universe are laid out in Samuel and Tabback's new book, How to be a Social Diva. Part modern etiquette manual, part The Rules with shinier lip-gloss, (the one item, Samuel stresses, that no self-respecting SD should ever leave the house without), it aims to "solve all the devastating little dramas that surround the SD's social life". These dramas run the entire cocktail-boutique-red carpet gamut, from body-hair issues ("always shave or wax, even down to those wiry hairs that grow on your big toes ... no-one likes a furry diva"), to deciding "which rock star type is right for you" via hands-on crisis management ("always stash an emergency £20 note in your shoe or knickers ... so you'll always have enough cash to take a cab home").

Leaving aside the "advice" that seems superfluous (a section on How To Shop The Mall - surely any self-respecting SD would never be seen dead in such places?), obsolete (are Ugg boots still "a great fashion statement at the apres-ski"?) or plain d'uh ("invitations that call for 'lounge suits' means the host is asking gentlemen to wear suits, not 'lounge-wear' like pyjamas"), and the obligatory exhortations of girl-empowerment, is the whole SD "lifestyle and attitude" really what generations of feminists fought for? Samuel predictably parries suggestions that she's hypothesising the shallow. "It's about embracing the opportunities available to women today," she insists. "We're making them aware of and open to new ways of feeling good."

Samuel, 36, first got the whiff of what she now calls "the social diva brand" when she was working for a PR agency: "I happened to be the social chairperson for the company," she recalls. "Someone called me a social diva, and the name stuck. I began to see a lot of women who were living the same kind of full-on lifestyle that I was, and I thought there could be potential in some kind of forum in bringing them together."

This was in Atlanta, but it wasn't until she moved to New York - the home of Carrie Bradshaw - that the SD concept crystallised. It's debatable whether the whole thing could have happened without Sex And The City (Samuel can quote whole passages, and answers anorak-level queries about it on an official website). The whole talking-frankly-about-sex-while-quaffing-Cosmos-in-killer-heels template certainly helped facilitate it, as did the more-single-women-than-single-men-who-aren't-gay demographic that the show was set against.

Samuel recruited the 24-year-old Tabback (aka Baby Diva), because "Lexi was able to articulate the whole younger-diva mindset," she says, with something approaching maternal pride. Soon their website went from tips about must-attend events to organising its own, at which everything from business cards to strappy-sandal-maintenance tips can be exchanged.

The SD "brand" has since been rolled out across America, and arrives in London this month with the book launch and a social diva website. Is Samuel confident that her concept will survive untarnished in a land where Social Divadom could easily elide into binge-drinking ASBO-ism? "A true social diva shows respect at all times, intones Samuel. "Confidence and self-control are the keys. Stroppiness or a sense of self-entitlement are not. That's why I wouldn't regard Paris Hilton as a social diva."

Who, then, would she nominate as the face of social divadom? The answer is instant. "Sienna Miller's totally cute. She's out and about, she was in that cool Warhol movie, she's dabbling in her own fashion line, she also works, so there's a strong ethic there, and she always looks adorable," concludes Samuel, in a case-closed kind of way.

Samuel could as easily have put her own name forward. "My social and working lives have blended into one," she says, which is no mean feat when her book's index begins with "accessories" and ends with "wine, white". And now she's looking to take the SD concept beyond the immediate "target demographic" of 21 to 40. "Why, shouldn't you have senior social divas?' she asks. "After all, the bottom line is that social divadom is a state of mind."

'How to be a Social Diva' is published tomorrow by the Friday Project, priced £9.99. For more information visit www.socialdiva.co.uk