Teens: Bridging the gap

Holly Briscoe, 34

Louis is great company, very funny. He has a very sweet sense of humour. Not nasty. He doesn't laugh at people. We share music: I got him into Led Zeppelin and he got me into Razorlight. He gives me good advice on clothes and he's a fantastic film critic.

It can be difficult to share "treats" with a teenage boy. My idea of a treat is a meal out, but he doesn't like that. Although we do both like going out for sushi, and end up chatting loads about his friends, his life. That's when the stuff that I want to know comes out. But I do respect the fact that he doesn't want to tell his mum everything.

But we do spend lots of time arguing. It's quite shocking. The main source of the arguments is homework. I'm always having to say: "I'm not nagging, I'm trying to help. I'm doing this because I love you." But I think he feels tormented by me.

I have to bargain with him sometimes. I did today. I'm getting him a pair of jeans in return for him eating healthily all day. Normally he eats well at home; I grow all my own vegetables here. But at half-term he's off doing his own thing and just eats crap. So he'll be forced to eat salmon and brown rice later.

We are both very messy. He gets £20 for cleaning his room. But he's obviously not financially motivated as he's thinking of paying the cleaner to do it for him.

Louis Jordan Banks, 15

Me and my mum get on quite well. She's easy to talk to and we have the same taste in a lot of things. We have a laugh. I'm glad she's a young mum - I don't just mean that in years; I'm glad she's young in her behaviour. She lets me have girls stay over. But I think she wants to meet them. And she asks my sister for gossip.

I used to give her fashion tips, but not so much now as when I was younger and she'd drag me round the shops. She buys something and asks if she should take it back. I will tell her my view, but she'll just carry on questioning: "Are you sure? Do I look fat in it?" And then I'll just say "Yeah, you look fat" because it shuts her up, even though she knows I'm not being serious.

When we have an argument it can be frustrating that she doesn't listen. She's a bit: "I'm the adult, listen to me." That kills me. So I just flip and start going crazy. Then I do act like a child. I scream and swear a bit, and maybe go up to my room and make loud "grrrr" noises. I'd rather, if we argued, that she heard my point, even if she still won. She doesn't understand that if my friends can only come round at a certain time, then I can do an hour of homework before they arrive and an hour afterward. She'll say: "No, no: two hours now." She doesn't let me schedule my own time, it's always down to her when I do things.

Chris Agbowu, 17

We get along OK, me and my dad. We're interested in music, cars, sports, TV... all sorts of stuff. We're both really into reggae, soul, urban music and a bit of house and garage. There's not too much generation gap in our tastes. I've always listened to his old stuff - I play his Bob Marley and Soul II Soul. I hate some things in his collection, like the deep soul. And I do not like anything on the Trojan label - that does my head in.

He likes to play his music all night - until my bed starts shaking when I'm trying to sleep. I get him back by putting my music on that he hates: drum'n'bass. I blame my love of that on him, though. He bought me a jungle CD and that's how I got into it. I've made a habit of putting it on the turntable the minute I wake up, I'm well into it.

We go to the Festival of Speed at Goodwood every year and take pictures of cars all day. Last year we went go-karting in Tenerife. My dad won. He cheated.

I help my dad with the painting and decorating. Yesterday we were laughing all day long. Today wasn't good. I was moody and my dad and my uncle kept moaning at me to cheer up, which is annoying.

Next year I'm taking a course in certifying if houses are environmentally friendly, for mortgage applications. I hope that will lead to a good job, but I'll still play a lot of music in my spare time.

Paul Agbowu, 43

You know what teenagers are like, but we don't row. When he gets moody he just says: "Get away from me!" Later he cheers up, so I try to leave him to get on with it.

We work together at the moment and he gets out of bed prompt at 7am for work. He works hard, despite the moaning, and he got his first pay cheque last week. But I'm glad he's doing the environmental assessment course. I wouldn't want him to do what I'm doing all his life - it's hard work.

He's really good with his music, with the turntables, scratching, making beats. But I have to tell him he can't focus on it for a career. I'm really glad he likes my music. But I don't like him troubling my hi-fi. He takes my needles and my records and scratches them up. Everything in my collection is alphabetically organised. I can tell when he's been moving things. He's messy and doesn't keep his room tidy.

We do like sitting down together to watch the TV. Anything with a bit of action. Or comedy - we like Lenny Henry, anything really. We laugh together a lot.

Rowan Beasley, 13

My mum is really helpful with my homework. She's really good with maths, even though she doesn't really like it. And she takes me places - she takes me to the stables. She only went riding once herself. She got bolted over a 3ft fence and it put her off. It wouldn't have put me off. She's been very supportive of the riding though. Well, she's got to be. It all started for me when one of my friend's mums took me four or five years ago. I asked my parents for a horse and my dad said no. But my grandfather says I can have a horse when I'm 21. I want to ride in the Olympics.

We go shopping together quite a lot and she buys me stuff. We get to a mall or a high street and split up and arrange to meet for a meal later and talk about everything. Or I meet my friends. Mum generally likes my clothes, but my dad doesn't always. I got a top the other day from Topshop and he said he doesn't like it, I don't really know why. It's red and you're meant to wear a white T-shirt under it. It's really nice.

I think my mum takes my brother's side too much in arguments. He's 16. Like today he hit me in the face with a shoe. I've got quite a puffy lip. I think he should have been in more trouble for that.

I wish my parents would stop smoking. My mum has started smoking outside sometime because the house smells and they smoke in the car too, which is horrible. And I worry about their health. Each year they say they're going to stop, but each year they don't.

Ruth Harrison, 44

What's strange is that Rowan has never looked like anybody else in the family. She was a strawberry blonde little girl, where I'm quite dark - I was once asked at nursery school whether she was mine! But she is our little cuckoo - a joy and a pleasure, so full of energy and ambition. I was never so determined. I don't think I figured out what I wanted to do with my life until I was 35.

Rowan's very different to her older brother: Joshua's very self-confident, more internalised; he's dyslexic but has really blossomed at secondary school. Whereas Rowan doesn't think of herself as academic. I've always loved reading, since I was a girl, and I know that she doesn't take pleasure in books the way I do. I've bought her a copy of Black Beauty. I've tried audiobooks, everything. She does like me reading to her at night. But I know that beyond that I have to accept that it's a difference between us.

I grew up with three close brothers and I suppose it was one of my dreams that Josh and Rowan would have a similar close relationship. But they do argue a lot at the moment, so I may have to keep hoping.

I don't know where the riding thing came from. I do find it very hard to watch - I get so worried about her. But I am very proud of her skill and her dedication to it. It's true that I help her with the maths. I wasn't good at it myself so I know how intimidating the subject can seem. Rowan can get herself into quite a panic over homework. I think she just has to get herself into less of a state and she'll realise she can do it.

Issy Brazier-Jones, 15

Our house is quite full of animals and my brother, who's having a moody, 21-year-old crisis. So I like to have my own space and I don't like it when my mum comes into my room and messes about and has a rummage. She talks about the dust under the bed and how it will affect my health. Each year I vow to tidy my room. I tell her I want to learn to keep it sorted myself. I'm getting there but it's still a mess.

Some days when you come home from school, you're angry and you could snap at anything. So I have shouted at her then. Sometimes I'll have a fit because I don't know what to wear and I'll rummage through her cupboard and pinch a Prada something. That has got me into some trouble. I often don't realise something is expensive, or cashmere or silk. But I haven't damaged any of her clothes, although she always thinks I'm going to.

Recently I had a weekend where I needed some space from all the socialising, and Mummy spent the whole weekend with me. It was lovely. We booked a cinema ticket and I forgot to confirm it so when we arrived it was all booked up. We drove all round London to other cinemas but the film was sold out everywhere. It was actually really fun, and Mummy would normally get really angry. But because it was our girly weekend and my stepdad was away, she lightened up a bit.

Liane Brazier, 45

I've got a 21-year-old boy as well, and although teenage boys are very different to teenage girls I did have some idea of what to expect. I don't think parenthood gets any easier as you get older. When they have screaming toddlers, people always think that you're better off with a teenager, but that's just not true at all.

Issy is quite like I was at her age, but she's more dramatic and stubborn. The drama manifests in stress from schoolwork and creates enormous explosions. I think she feels overwhelmed by her GCSE year. She tends to panic and feels trapped in a jungle of work she can't get out of. It causes eruptions of sobbing and shouting. There are lots of tears and stamping around and of her giving us the impression that a lot of it is our fault, when of course it isn't. But I suppose she can't shout at the teachers. I shouted at my own mum about different things, but we didn't have such a close relationship and I didn't feel I could let off as much steam with her as my children do with me. I don't think that's a bad thing. I felt I had to sort teenage issues out on my own, whereas my children can talk to me. Situations generally work themselves out. Rows never lead to any irreparable cracks.

We enjoy doing girly things together: shopping and spa weekends. We loved watching Jane Eyre on television together. And although I hate crap TV, Issy has drawn me into this show called America's Next Top Model. But we do spend most of the programme pulling the girls apart.

Issy gives me very good relationship advice. She tells me when me and my partner have to sort out problems. She's quite the little Margery Proops.

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