Reader, I didn't marry him: blog lifts veil on match-making in Egypt

As her 30th birthday approaches, a gaggle of aunts and family friends have been working themselves into a husband-hunting frenzy. Conscious that the courting window is closing, they have narrowed down the prospective husband wish-list to a single requirement. "It's basically anyone with a heartbeat," Ghada Abdel Aal sighs.

Enter the unsuitable suitors – a paranoid vice detective, a hirsute fundamentalist and an amnesiac who neglected to mention his first wife and children living overseas. In the past five years, Ghada reckons there have been at least 30 prospective grooms paraded before her. And while her aunts' generation would have been paired off with the first man who came a-calling, the Egyptian pharmacist not only said "No", she turned her matchmaking horror stories into a blog – "Wanna-b-a-bride". And it struck such a chord with Egypt's singletons, it has been turned into a bestselling book.

"I am one out of 15 million girls who are pressured on a daily basis by their society to get married," Ghada said from her hometown of Mahalla. "A girl is not supposed to be actively seeking something, she simply exists for someone to marry ... to say she wants something is seen as impolite."

This 29-year-old, although a traditionalist who covers her hair, is not afraid to say what she wants (or doesn't want). Her book – which has sold almost 15,000 copies since it was published in February – lifts the veil on Egypt's gawaaz al-salonat or living-room marriages. These are not so much arranged marriages as suggested ones. Through expansive social networks, potential pairings are identified. The male suitor then visits the female's home for stilted conversation over tea. It is these vignettes – culled from her own life as well as those of her friends – which the first-time novelist brings to life in all their awkward glory.

One of Ghada's favourite anecdotes is the one that planted the seed for her first blog. The protagonist is a seemingly very decent chap, whose one downfall proves to be an unhealthy obsession with football. In the middle of their first meeting, he leans across her to switch on the television and watch the game. It gets worse. "He found out I supported the rival club and that was that. I was off his list. It was very strange. Who does that?" Ghada's family failed to see the problem, though. "You can switch teams. What's the big deal?" she remembers. "I started to doubt myself – maybe they were right and I was wrong. It was ridiculous."

Across the Middle East, marriage is still viewed as the gateway to independence, sexual activity and societal respect, not to mention a religious obligation. "The family is a cornerstone," explains Navtej Dhillon, of the Brookings Institution, which has published a study on the Middle East marriage crisis. "Your rite of passage to adulthood is secured by marriage. And sexual relationships are only really approved and remain legitimate within the institution of marriage."

However, getting hitched has become prohibitively expensive – prompting an explosion of mass weddings, with hundreds of couples simultaneously tying the knot to cut costs – and the Middle East has one of the lowest marriage rates in the developing world. Almost 50 per cent of men aged 25 to 29 are unmarried, compared to 37 per cent a generation ago. This clash between reality and traditions poses problems, according to the sociologist Azza Korayem. "Marriage is a must," she said. "Those who don't get married, whether they are men or women, become sort of isolated."

It is exactly this sort of isolation that "Wanna-b-a-bride" is trying to pierce. "When I thought each man was not right, my relatives all thought he was The One," Ghada recalls. "I started to question my judgement. I thought it was just me. The success of the blog and book has put paid to that self-doubt."

Her book has found a wide audience who lap up Ghada's headstrong refusal to settle for second best. "The problem with Egyptian men is that half of them are like molasses, all gooey, and the other half are hard taskmasters," the narrator sighs. "I suppose the best thing to do would be to put them all in a blender." There are many laughs to be had from the parodies of the worried older generation. Like the aunts who remind her ahead of any wedding that "it's very important to get on the video" so her face will be seen when the tape circulates around families with eligible bachelors. Or the mother who starts discussing non-existent marriage proposals with the the milk carton. "My mum is having some psychological problems," Ghada wrote. "She's started talking to herself and to other objects in the house, consulting them."

Praise has come from the most unlikely quarters too. One spurned suitor got in touch after reading the book: "Are you really the one I proposed to? I like your way of writing very much." It's humorous proof of Ghada's central tenet that you can't pick a wife (or a husband) after a chat in the living room, although the pair have now become friends. Others have not proved so complimentary. "To the worst example of unmarried girls ... Enough dissoluteness! Where are decency and purity?" one man commented on her blog.

Ghada has not given up on finding Mr Right; she just wants to do it on her own terms. "He has to have a personality," she says. "In Egypt, I think the women are stronger than the men, and have bigger personalities. I want a guy with a strong personality, but someone who is also open-minded."

With just a few weeks to go until the big 3-0, she has spied a glimmer of hope: "If I turn 30 and I'm not married, maybe all the matchmakers will just give up and finally stop annoying me."

A tough proposal: Extracts from 'Wanna-b-a-bride'

* 22 August, 2006. We all agree that not getting married before too long is a very sensitive issue for all of us, and really no one can honestly talk about it ... Talking about marriage publicly will bring any girl disgrace and shame because the public think women shouldn't talk about any topic related to sexuality.

* 23 July, 2007. Thanks to those of you who asked why I haven't been around.Some of you asked if I got married? If I had, believe me I would have written a new entry with just one sentence – "I got marrrrrrrrrrrried!!!" But no, I am not. The reason I haven't been around for the past few days is that I was actually depressed,because I just realised that I turned 28 and seven months, meaning I'm on my way to 29.

* 22 March, 2008. I saw my mother in front of the refrigerator, asking the milk carton: "What if we got one proposal? Should we accept right away or should we wait for a better one?"