Como's curtain-twitchers on alert for Brad and Angelina's wedding

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But please double-check before ordering up the Gulfstream jet and pointing it south. The headlines may tell you with breathless certainty that Hollywood's most scrutinised couple will indeed be tying the knot on Como's shores this weekend. But headlines can be wrong.

In truth, it was all joyous confusion and rumour yesterday, thanks mostly to the ever-observant wife of the Mayor of Laglio, the town where George Clooney has a fancy lakeside villa. Mr Clooney is a close pal of Brad and Angelina. And yesterday there was activity at the house.

Activity! What that means exactly remained slightly uncertain, but Monica Mantero, whose husband, the Mayor, is Giuseppe Mantero, said something about metal shades going up inside the ground-floor windows of Villa Clooney. And the job of shades, generally, is to hide something. Like a wedding.

We have to listen to Ms Mantero, because if the pair are to wed it would be her husband, the Mayor, who would most likely officiate. He had heard absolutely nothing from the couple, she admitted, but on the other hand, if called upon with as little as one hour's notice, he would always be ready to oblige.

But back to the house. "There's a lot of movement at the villa, a lot of people there. We were expecting Clooney today, but he didn't show up," she told the Associated Press. Movement!

Clooney's presence is surely a must. So where was he? "I can tell you Clooney isn't here," confided Maricuccia Riva, another of the town's lace-curtain twitchers. "Whenever he's here a motorboat is tied up to his dock and there's no motorboat. I'm looking right now from my window."

It would help if one of the protagonists would say something to an expectant world. No one, yesterday, would say a thing, however. Which left all sorts of possibilities. Brangelina, as the couple is now known, may indeed be marrying today, but somewhere else entirely. They could have tied the knot weeks ago. Or perhaps they have broken up and Brad is right now chewing bagels again with Jennifer Aniston.

Let's rule out the last scenario. Brad and Jennifer broke up last year, as we all know, after four years of marriage, because of "irreconcilable" differences. And for Jennifer, the endless tabloid heavy breathing about Brangelina is too much. "It makes my skin crawl," she said.

Better we return our focus to Como because, if it does happen, we don't want to miss it, metal shades not. One potential problem: the wedding may be about to happen there, but not at chez Clooney. Yes, it could unfold at the famed Hotel Villa D'Este, a few miles down the shoreline, where Frank Sinatra exchanged rings with Ava Gardner.

What did the hotel know last night about a famous wedding this weekend? Niente. But, like the Mayor of Laglio, everyone was ready to spring to action at a moment's notice should the Brangelina caravan pull in.

Will they or won't they? Well, one day they will, if not today. Angelina, after all, is very visibly pregnant nowadays, and in January Brad went to court to be named adoptive father of the kids, Maddox and Zahara. They have to get married. The world is sick with suspense. For the love of God, do it today!