Judge exposes Texas strip clubs’ lack of cover by ordering larger underwear
Tim Walker is The Independent’s Los Angeles correspondent, covering entertainment and other concerns from the West Coast of the US. He was previously a features writer and the editor of the paper’s diary column. His first novel, Completion, is being published in January 2014.
Wednesday 01 May 2013
In a cheeky ruling, which positively bulges with double entendres and dirty literary jokes, a Texas judge has ordered strip club dancers in San Antonio to don larger underwear.
Chief US District Judge Fred Biery delivered the formal written ruling on Monday: “The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v The (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie” demands the city’s strip joints adhere to a new regulation, requiring dancers to wear bikini tops instead of the miniscule, nipple-obscuring “pasties” previously favoured.
“An ordinance dealing with semi-nude dancers has once again fallen on the Court’s lap,” wrote Biery. “The age-old question before the court, now with constitutional implications, is: Does Size Matter?” Strip clubs, he complained, had “clothe[d] themselves in the First Amendment” while making an “alleged naked grab at unconstitutional power”. They “seek an erection,” he went on, “of a constitutional wall separating themselves from the regulatory power of city government”.
The lawyer acting for San Antonio’s strip clubs saw the funny side, saying the ruling was “one of the most entertaining things I’ve ever seen”.
Presents unwrapped, turkey gobbled... it's time to relax
- 1 Exodus Gods and Kings casting controversy: Ridley Scott would never cast 'Mohammad so-and-so from such-and-such' in lead role
- 2 This letter from a reader explains why women can’t play football
- 3 'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
- 4 Scientists predict green energy revolution after incredible new graphene discoveries
- 5 Michael Buerk wishes he killed Jimmy Savile when he had the chance - by pushing him overboard a cruise ship
Black Friday 2014: Opening times for Asda, John Lewis, GAME, PC World and Argos
Sean Abbott: Messages of support flood in for bowler after death of Phil Hughes
Plebgate: Andrew Mitchell’s reputation in tatters as judge rules he used the word ‘pleb’
Dr Lam Hoe Yeoh: Voyeur doctor jailed for eight years after using network of hidden cameras to film patients, colleagues and friends on the toilet
'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
Ukip says babies born to immigrants in the UK should be classed as migrants – which would include Nigel Farage’s own children
Obama: The only people with the right to object to immigration are Native Americans
The young are the new poor: Sharp increase in number of under-25s living in poverty, while over-65s are better off than ever
Tamir Rice: 12-year-old boy playing with fake gun dies after being shot by Ohio police
Ukip mocked after mistaking Westminster Cathedral – for a mosque
Sarah Vine criticises lesbian mother Jack Monroe: 'If she was unsure about her sexuality, she should have taken greater precautions'
£25000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: If you have experience of B2B s...
£Attractive Package: Citifocus Ltd: Prestigious asset management house seeks a...
£Negotiable: Citifocus Ltd: This is a varied role focusing on the firm's mutua...
£20000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: One of Scotland's leading train...