Judge exposes Texas strip clubs’ lack of cover by ordering larger underwear


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The Independent US

In a cheeky ruling, which positively bulges with double entendres and dirty literary jokes, a Texas judge has ordered strip club dancers in San Antonio to don larger underwear.

Chief US District Judge Fred Biery delivered the formal written ruling on Monday: “The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v The (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie” demands the city’s strip joints adhere to a new regulation, requiring dancers to wear bikini tops instead of the miniscule, nipple-obscuring “pasties” previously favoured.

“An ordinance dealing with semi-nude dancers has once again fallen on the Court’s lap,” wrote Biery. “The age-old question before the court, now with constitutional implications, is: Does Size Matter?” Strip clubs, he complained, had “clothe[d] themselves in the First Amendment” while making an “alleged naked grab at unconstitutional power”. They “seek an erection,” he went on, “of a constitutional wall separating themselves from the regulatory power of city government”.

The lawyer acting for San Antonio’s strip clubs saw the funny side, saying the ruling was “one of the most entertaining things I’ve ever seen”.