No sex and no drugs, please. We're Disney. (That's what they all say)
The Jonas Brothers are the latest pop exports from the House of Mouse. Let's hope they don't go the way of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and the rest
Sunday 01 June 2008
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They are clean cut, Christian and cute. Disney's latest pop exports, the Jonas Brothers, are being packaged for consumption by teens across the globe. As they bring their bland brand of no sex, no drugs, rock n roll to the O2 in London next week, they are already being tipped to take over from a long line of whiter-than-white acts from the House of Mouse.
The trio from New Jersey, who feature regularly on the Disney Channel, are taking America's teen market by storm with music apparently gleaned from other manufactured pop acts.
Already, however, pundits are pointing to tragic precedents for previous "next best things" from the Disney stable.
Miley Cyrus, 15, has made millions for Disney and is well known to British TV viewers as the title character in Hannah Montana, a series in which she plays a music superstar leading a double life as a normal schoolgirl.
But the wholesome image of the child star was badly tarnished in April after a cover shoot for Vanity Fair magazine by Annie Leibovitz showed her loosely covered in a rumpled bed sheet with red lipstick and her back and shoulders exposed.
So far, so tame, but middle America did not like explaining to its children how Miley became an adult overnight, and she has had to do some damage control to salvage her career.
Then there was 19-year-old Vanessa Hudgens, a star of the money-generating High School Musical franchise, who slipped from her wholesome pedestal when a nude picture of her surfaced on the internet.
More recently, Josh Werkman, the manager of Cole and Dylan Sprouse, who star in the Disney Channel sitcom The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, pleaded no contest in February to charges of child molestation and selling alcohol to a minor.
Lalaine Vergara Paras, 20, a star of the Disney comedy That's So Raven, compromised her image by pleading guilty to possession of crystal meth in July 2007, for which she was ordered to attend a drug treatment programme.
For truly spectacular falls, it would be hard to match the former Disney child stars Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. In Spears's case news cameras have captured almost every aspect of her suffering from alcohol, drugs, marital failure and emotional breakdown.
Pundits are already wondering when the "curse" of Disney will strike again. Conor McNicholas, editor of NME, said there were lessons to be learned from the pitfalls of previous Christian bands. "Sixpence None the Richer were meant to be the ultimate Christian band until someone chose 'There She Goes' by the La's for them to do a cover of, not realising it was about drugs," he said.
But Blur bassist Alex James said he could not understand why the Jonas Brothers had even chosen a music career if they were not going to indulge in excess. "There is no point doing it if you are not going to have fun. It's like a chef who doesn't like food," he said.
Phil Alexander, editor of Mojo, said the brothers may yet surprise the cynics. "There are temptations out there for a rock band, but the thing about these God-botherers is that they tend to stick to their principles. It will come down to the strength of their convictions," he said.
And the odds of the Jonas Brothers, Nick, 16, Joe, 18, and Kevin, 20, keeping their squeaky-clean image intact are not great, according to William Hill. "When three young lads are given their freedom, whether Disney-backed or not, temptation is sure to follow," said Rupert Adams, a spokesman for the bookmakers.
"We would offer 6-1 that an article will appear in a British tabloid showing at least one of them in a compromising position."
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