Creativity: The Titanic Experience, or Britannia waves the rules
Tuesday 26 July 1994
Britannia ruling the waves was another popular theme. To that end, Paul McHugh suggested turning it into a floating hairdressing salon, while, more cumbersomely, James McLaren anchors it firmly to the bottom of the English Channel, with tide-measuring lines - 'wave-rules' - painted on the side. We prefer his other idea, which envisages using it as an office for the people rebuilding Windsor Castle.
'Crash it into Jupiter,' says David Nichols, topically, 'so that astronomers can pay millions of dollars in order to obtain a photograph of a faint blur.'
Geoffrey Langley has a different commercial application in mind involving a shallow lake, some powerful pumps and a polystyrene iceberg to create 'The Titanic Experience', twice daily, which he says could be 'number two in a series of Great British Cock-ups, between the Tay Bridge and the First World War.'
'Moored in the Thames outside the Palace of Westminster,' continues Mr Langley, 'It could be used as an overflow terrace for the negotiation of consultancies.' 'Moored in the Thames outside the Palace of Westminster,' says Mr McHugh, 'Britannia would make an ideal replacement for the old GLC, with Ken Livingstone and his merry band democratically lurking, guns at the ready.'
Floating voters cropped up in several suggestions, but only Edward Rimmer suggested that the yacht should be 'privatised and floated on the Stock Exchange'.
Mark Walmsley and Louise Wilcocks suggested a floating marriage guidance bureau, floating mosque and floating colonic irrigation centre.
Crispin Birch thoughfully offers it as a floating holiday home for Yorkshire terriers abused by Creativity readers. Mollie Caird wants it preserved as a floating research
station to allow the exploration of Creativity suggestions in laboratory conditions. Stuart Cockerill sees it as a barnacle sanctuary.
Robbie Jones proposed fitting it with wheels to go to and fro through the Channel tunnel 'for those who prefer going to Paris by boat'. Paul Clark suggests removing the bow section and placing it upright in Sydney harbour as an extension to the Opera House.
'Hammer down the superstructure and turn it into an aircraft carrier,' says Matthew Seligman belligerently, though he admits the idea is a bit silly. His other ideas include giving it to Jeffrey Archer to play with in his bath, giving it to Greece in payment for the Elgin marbles, and giving it away in the National Lottery.
Next week, we shall be reporting on the many things you can do with the surplus apostrophes from greengrocers' stalls (sorry, I think that should read 'stall's'). Meanwhile, we'd like you to think about Venetian blinds. Any uses for these elegant and versatile structures will be most welcome at: Creativity, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.
- 2 Harry Potter fans can apply to the Hogwarts-inspired College of Wizardry
- 3 Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more
Weather bomb in pictures: Storms cuts power for tens of thousands – and snow is on the way
Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
Russell Brand was rendered speechless on Question Time by this man
Fury at Airbus after it hints the super-jumbo may be mothballed
Disgruntled RBS worker writes hilarious open letter to Russell Brand after anti-capitalist publicity stunt leaves him hungry
Nigel Farage's approval rating hits 'record low' as popularity suffers in wake of Ukip sex scandal
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
Pakistan school attack live: Taliban kill at least 132 children in 'horrifying' massacre
Sony hack: Angelina Jolie branded 'seriously out of her mind' in further embarrassing leaked email saga
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food
£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...
£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...
£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...
£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...