Flat Earth: Friends, Romans, countrymen . . .

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The Independent Online
ONE mystery of the Italian election campaign has now been solved. It was well known that the new Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, preferred to be filmed with soft-focus cameras - perhaps understandable in an ex-crooner in his fifties who still loves the spotlight. But no one could work out why he insisted on being filmed only from the right-hand side. It turns out that Berlusconi, believing his left ear to be bigger and more horrible than his right, decreed it should not appear on camera lest it frighten Italian voters. Flat Earth, having examined all the photographic evidence, has made an interesting discovery. The Italian leader is wrong: both ears are exactly the same size. We can only conclude he thinks anything on the left is bigger and redder than it really is.