The Indians, who produce 10 million tons a year but export only 26,000 tons, realise that fastidious Westerners do not know how to deal with this admittedly difficult fruit. But you shouldn't be put off. The proper way to eat a mango, as our office manager Heather points out, is quite simple: stand partly clothed or naked in a river - or the sea will do - and eat the fruit with the juice dripping down your chin. You may also wish to hum under your breath James Bond's opening words to Honeychile Rider in Dr No: 'Underneath the mango tree, mi honey an' me . . .'