South African Election Guide: Election

NOW the question of the Zulu monarchy is settled, and at least 10 other tribes prepare their claims for constitutional monarchies, an ingenious solution presents itself to the problem of the white right. The claim of the Boer irreconcilables for an independent volkstaat is a non-starter. But why not, on the Zulu model, a Boer constitutional monarchy? General Constand Viljoen, leader of the Freedom Front, and the only Afrikaner radical to contest the election, would be the obvious choice for the the first Boer king. Failing him (republican sympathies, like everything else, die hard among the Boers) it might be possible to enlist Eugene Terre- Blanche, the leader of the neo- Nazi Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging (AWB). King Eugene the Terrible has an impressive sort of ring. Or why not, in the spirit of the New South Africa, an Afrikaner Queen?

FEAR of criminal, as opposed to political, violence is the principal obsession of the white, liberal middle-classes. We enter a shopping mall in the northern Johannesburg suburbs late in the evening in search of food. A scruffily dressed white figure with a limp moustache emerges from the shadows. Remembering tales of unaccustomed white poverty, we expect to be hustled for spare change. But the figure announces: 'Hi. I'm Steve, your armed security guard for this evening. I will escort you to the bistro for your safety and peace of mind.' Inside, 60 trendily dressed whites and one black sit down to dinner.

PANIC-buying and food hoarding among the middle-class is widely reported. But political humour, black and white, also thrives (one of many reasons to be hopeful). Graffiti on a wall in Parktown, a leafy Johannesburg suburb, include: 'Buy now while shops last' and 'Help your local branch of ANC/IFP - beat yourself up.' A sign beside the road to Tanzania township in the East Rand reads: 'Welcome to Tanzania - Any problems dial AK-47'.

A CONVENTIONAL, white view of The Problem from a pearl- draped matron in a Cape Town restaurant: 'Next year, we'll probably have a holiday every day. Mandela Day. Mandela Freedom Day. Chris Hani day. Freedom Charter Day. Foundation of the ANC Day.'

'Yisss,' says her pearl-draped companion. 'And every Avenue will be named after Nelson Mandela and every cross street after Winnie.'

AN UNCONVENTIONAL view of The Problem from Eddie von Maltitz, a farmer, rock-star lookalike and leading figure in the white-supremacist AWB. The problem with South Africa, he says, is too many whites. 'I would like to see our white population dwindle down to a hard core of about two million.' Is this why he drives aroud his Orange Free State farm with a bumper-sticker reading: 'Kill the Farmer. Kill the Boer.' No. 'I would like to see the white liberal run. And he is going to have to run, because he has let the lions and tigers and the pythons out of the zoo and there is no way he is going to get them back in. Man, I hate liberals.'

News
Russia Today’s new UK channel began broadcasting yesterday. Discussions so far have included why Britons see Russia as ‘the bad guy’
news

New UK station Russia Today gives a very bizarre view of Britain

Voices
Left: An illustration of the original Jim Crowe, played by TD Rice Right: A Couple dressed as Ray and Janay Rice
voices

By performing as African Americans or Indians, white people get to play act a kind of 'imaginary liberation', writes Michael Mark Cohen

Arts and Entertainment
music
News
John Moore inspired this Coca Cola Christmas advert
people

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Real Staffing - Leeds - £18k+

£18000 - £27000 per annum + Commission: SThree: The SThree group is a world le...

SEN Learning Support Assistant

£50 - £70 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Are you an SEN Learning Supp...

Year 3 Teacher

£21000 - £31000 per annum: Randstad Education Chelmsford: KS2 Teachers - Chelm...

KS1 Teacher

£21500 - £31500 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Would you like to work...

Day In a Page

The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

Commons debate highlights growing cross-party consensus on softening UK drugs legislation, unchanged for 43 years
The camera is turned on tabloid editors in Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter'

Gotcha! The camera is turned on tabloid editors

Hugh Grant says Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter' documentary will highlight issues raised by Leveson
Fall of the Berlin Wall: It was thanks to Mikhail Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell

Fall of the Berlin Wall

It was thanks to Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell
Halloween 2014: What makes Ouija boards, demon dolls, and evil clowns so frightening?

What makes ouija boards and demon dolls scary?

Ouija boards, demon dolls, evil children and clowns are all classic tropes of horror, and this year’s Halloween releases feature them all. What makes them so frightening, decade after decade?
A safari in modern Britain: Rose Rouse reveals how her four-year tour of Harlesden taught her as much about the UK as it did about NW10

Rose Rouse's safari in modern Britain

Rouse decided to walk and talk with as many different people as possible in her neighbourhood of Harlesden and her experiences have been published in a new book
Welcome to my world of no smell and odd tastes: How a bike accident left one woman living with unwanted food mash-ups

'My world of no smell and odd tastes'

A head injury from a bicycle accident had the surprising effect of robbing Nell Frizzell of two of her senses

Matt Parker is proud of his square roots

The "stand-up mathematician" is using comedy nights to preach maths to big audiences
Paul Scholes column: Beating Manchester City is vital part of life at Manchester United. This is first major test for Luke Shaw, Angel Di Maria and Radamel Falcao – it’s not a game to lose

Paul Scholes column

Beating City is vital part of life at United. This is first major test for Shaw, Di Maria and Falcao – it’s not a game to lose
Frank Warren: Call me an old git, but I just can't see that there's a place for women’s boxing

Frank Warren column

Call me an old git, but I just can't see that there's a place for women’s boxing
Adrian Heath interview: Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room

Adrian Heath's American dream...

Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room
Simon Hart: Manchester City will rise again but they need to change their attitude

Manchester City will rise again but they need to change their attitude

Manuel Pellegrini’s side are too good to fail and derby allows them to start again, says Simon Hart
Isis in Syria: A general reveals the lack of communication with the US - and his country's awkward relationship with their allies-by-default

A Syrian general speaks

A senior officer of Bashar al-Assad’s regime talks to Robert Fisk about his army’s brutal struggle with Isis, in a dirty war whose challenges include widespread atrocities
‘A bit of a shock...’ Cambridge economist with Glasgow roots becomes Zambia’s acting President

‘A bit of a shock...’ Economist with Glasgow roots becomes Zambia’s acting President

Guy Scott's predecessor, Michael Sata, died in a London hospital this week after a lengthy illness
Fall of the Berlin Wall: History catches up with Erich Honecker - the East German leader who praised the Iron Curtain and claimed it prevented a Third World War

Fall of the Berlin Wall

History catches up with Erich Honecker - the East German leader who praised the Iron Curtain and claimed it prevented a Third World War
How to turn your mobile phone into easy money

Turn your mobile phone into easy money

There are 90 million unused mobiles in the UK, which would be worth £7bn if we cashed them in, says David Crookes