Claudia Winkleman: Take It From Me

What a brilliant weekend for sport. Yes, correct. I'm going to dedicate this week's column to the topic of sport. Slightly odd, you might think, considering I am one of the few people who didn't even know who was taking part in the European Championships until nine days after the event (uh, well done Spain, by the way) and because I've never taken games very seriously before.

To be totally frank, sport isn't really my thing. I don't do it and I don't watch it. I can get quite excited about darts and ice skating, but I think that's all about the commentary and the outfits (I'll let you work out which goes with which), and how much vodka I've consumed. If buying shoes was a sport, and if "reading Grazia super-fast while having your hair done and chatting on the phone" was rated, then I'd probably get more involved. Until then I'll leave it to my husband and his friends to whoop about Chelsea and discuss the rugby.

Anyway, last weekend, sport suddenly took on a new meaning. I'd like to point out that I'm not talking about Wimbledon (a big fuss about a player wearing a custom-made "tennis" cardigan on Centre Court? I repeat: cardigan. Someone make it stop) and the Grand Prix (girls in tiny shorts posing on cars in the rain while noisy vehicles go round and round for what feels like 19 days. Really? That's it?). But of course, I'm talking about the world championships that took place in Finland last weekend.

Wife carrying. Yup. Couples from all over the world get on a plane to Stockholm and then travel to Sonkajarvi to compete in the obstacle course, and indeed the wife-carrying marathon. (For those who are experts there is also a wife-carrying karaoke competition, but that seems um, excessive.)

But the main event is the obstacle course, and when it comes to the World Wife Carrying Championships, couples must adhere to the following rules:

1 Couples must have fun.

2 If a man drops his wife, they are given a 15-second penalty, while they watch other couples overtake them.

3 The most entertaining couple will also get a prize.

4 If a wife is too thin she will have to strap a bag of grain to her back.

5 The winning couple get the wife's weight in beer.

Couples who took part were from Japan, Estonia, Germany, Finland and Britain. They were asked what made them win. "Unity," they all said, although unfortunately not in unison.

Now, I don't like to get "deep", but the race did get me thinking. I turned to my husband (watching the Wimbledon final and dropping Doritos on to his chest).

"Would you carry me?"

"Is this a sex question?'

"No. I mean carry me in a race."

"Do you think Becker uses a lot of hair gel?"

"Do you think we could win a wife-carrying competition?"

"Depends who we were up against, babe."

"Forget about the other people in the competition."

"We're buggered if we're up against Hulk Hogan."

"No, I mean could we act as a team and be strong together and have fun. Like we could through life."

"Or that Frankie Dettori. He's a little bloke, but I bet he's as fast as lightning"

"Look at me."

"Have you had your hair cut or something? Have I not noticed? Is this about your eyebrows again?"

"No."

"Because seriously, just because I didn't realise you'd had them dyed doesn't mean I don't think you're nice to look at."

"It's not about my eyebrows."

"Thank God, because ever since Lucy told me yours met in the middle I've tried not to look at them, to be honest."

"I'm asking about our path through life, and if we can make it we should have fun while we're doing it."

"You want our life to be about you being carried because you hate walking? Do you want us to go to Finland?"

"No. I'm moved by these couples and what they're doing together. We don't have to win the race, but can we finish? You know, together?"

"With you on my back?"

"Well, I guess. Or in a fireman's lift."

"It's match point, babe. Did you say there was more salsa?"

"This is important. If you drop me there's a penalty."

"Is this about me not unloading the dishwasher?"

"It's about hanging on for dear life and staying the course, even when there are obstacles, and it's about working as a team and being together and going through all kinds of stuff to get to the end. And sometimes it won't be fun, but the trick is to just keep going."

"Are you all right?"

"I just asked if you would carry me. That's all."

"Is there a prize?"

"My body weight in beer."

"Well, why didn't you say so? Course I'll carry you, baby."

So maybe that's the answer; more salsa and the promise of lots of beer. I have no idea if he'd carry me, or if we'll make it to the end of the race, but I'm convinced that having fun is the key.

Anyway, in answer to your question, yes – Boris Becker uses shedloads of hair gel.

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