Cooper Brown: Filming

On the set of the movie I’m producing, watching the actors film a great scene definitely destined to become a cinema classic. I’m from the Morrissey school of expectations – the guy will only publish his autobiography if it’s a Penguin Classic.

I think Morrissey is a whiny little twerp and I can take or leave most of his music but I admire his chutpazh. You don’t get anywhere in the world by being a wallflower. My movie has three scenes that will definitely become classics. My favourite is where we blow up Downing Street.

Obviously we couldn't do this for real, so we had a mock-up built in an old air base in Cambridgeshire. It looked unbelievable and, before we blew it up, everybody got their pic taken outside the fake No 10 door. Then we all got in the bunkers, cameras rolled and BOOM it was like al- Qa’ida’s wet dream. All the guys who said that we couldn’t do it were suddenly telling us how amazing it was and how we were making “epic” cinema again. I just want to make the kind of movie that I want to see.

The only obstacle is the director who keeps going all “arty” on me. A/C List was off his face as usual but has somehow managed to put in the performance of a lifetime. This movie will put him back on the A list and back in the sights of some of the top drug dealers that Hollywood has to offer. He’ll be dead by Christmas but hey-that’s showbusiness. Cooper Out.

Twitter- @icooperbrown