Cooper Brown: Shock

I was finally allowed to see what Mulligan had been building to capture the Lesbian Sticker Lady. It seemed to be a series of wires with sucker pads on the end.

All the wires lead to a central box that is powered by a car battery. “I’m calling it the short, sharp, shock," said Mulligan proudly – he’s always been a fan of Thatcher. Basically, he’d built a machine very similar to one I'd seen on the internet that was in use in South Africa to deter car-jacking. Once the machine was turned on, the car became “live”and anybody touching it would get an electric shock. “Now I understand that there is a risk of giving a traffic warden a shock… but I presume that like myself you don’t really have any objection to that?

After all, I think we can all agree that they are basically horrible bastards raising ill-gotten revenue for corrupt, greedy councils?”Mulligan has definitely been in London too long. He spotted a traffic warden outside the Groucho Club at midnight the other day and went mental with him. “Shall I come to your country and demand money off you at midnight, how would you like that? You’d be calling Amnesty International before I could say General Pinochet…"

He’d also built a little camera system so that not only could he give anybody touching the car a severe electric shock but he could record the event at the same time. I had to give it to him – he didn’t miss a trick. There were loads of legal implications to this plan but I was strangely excited about the whole thing and gave him the green light. Cooper Out.

Twitter- @icooperbrown