Pandora: Cambridge Union in condom alert

For nearly 200 years, the Cambridge Union has maintained its reputation for honour and integrity, but it has fallen victim to the sort of PR blunder we normally associate with our hapless politicians.

Last week, the debating society, which counts as former presidents the likes of Ed Stourton and Lord Turner, descended on the university's freshers' week to try to recruit members. Laying out their stall, volunteers handed out blue condoms adorned with the words "For a more perfect Union" – a play on the speech about race that the US presidential hopeful Barack Obama made in March.

Unfortunately, the condoms didn't carry the all-important "kite mark" logo, which shows they have been approved by the British Standards Institution, and therefore might be unfit for use. Whether the condoms fell off the back of a lorry isn't clear, but the Cambridge Students' Union (CUSU) was forced to sen out a frantic note in an attempt to have them recalled. "PLEASE DO NOT USE THESE CONDOMS," it said. "They do not have a kite mark on them, which is the British Standards Institution approval mark, and therefore CUSU do not recommend you use them. CUSU are offering to swap these condoms for free."

Last week, students at Oxford were given banana-flavoured condoms in honour of the university's former student David Miliband. I'm assured that those ones were absolutely kosher.

Pegg writes his way to pay day

The British actor Simon Pegg isn't just making waves in Hollywood, he is about to become a major player in the world of publishing. Yesterday, the Hot Fuzz star announced that he had signed a "seven-figure" book deal with the publisher Hodder & Stoughton.

The contract apparently involves three works, the first of which will be an autobiography. Explaining the whopping advance fee, a spokesman for Hodder said: "Pegg writes for us but somehow the films appeal to America too. He is our biggest export. I don't think there is any British actor of his ilk who has been so successful."

It is certainly all go at the moment for 38 year-old Pegg. Next summer, he will appearing in cinemas as "Scotty" in yet another big screen reboot of the Star Trek franchise.

Floyd may be too ill for a quickie

If the thirsty chef Keith Floyd's fourth wife, Tess, thought that their divorce was going to be a quickie, she had better think again.

In June, the couple went to the High Court to thrash out a financial settlement but failed to reach an agreement when Floyd reportedly made the puzzling demand that his mother-in-law foot the bill for the annulment.

They are due back in front of the judge on 20 October, but it looks as though there could be yet another setback.

"Keith is living out in France and has fallen poorly again," says a chum. "He is having problems with an ulcer, so it may be that he won't be fit enough to attend.

"I don't know if Tess knows about it. But let's just say that if it has to be rescheduled, there could be fireworks."

Sir Ken recalls the whiff of scandal

The departing Director of Public Prosecutions, Sir Ken Macdonald, said goodbye to colleagues at a party at Inner Temple Hall on Wednesday. Sir Ken, who was busted for possessing cannabis in 1971, succeeded David Calvert-Smith in 2003. The pair once met at a legal conference in the Caribbean, where "Smoky" Macdonald was given his hotel's Bob Marley suite. "It occured to me," he told guests, "that someone may have been taking the mick."

Morrissey feels ale and hearty

Neil Morrissey has launched his own ale, Morrissey Fox Blonde. In doing so, the former Men Behaving Badly star has thrown down the gauntlet to his fellow comic, Al Murray. "Al Murray's pub landlord is supposed to be the embodiment of Britain, but he drinks lager," he said at the launch. "You can get lager anywhere. The great thing about our beer is that it's totally British and uses only British ingredients."

Letts's book launch attracts a few louts

As befits his Bertie Wooster-ish image, the launch of the Daily Mail sketch-writer Quentin Letts's new book, 50 People Who Have Buggered Up Britain, on Wednesday night was a delightfully tweedy affair.

Once the obligatory speeches were finished, guests at the House of St Barnabas in London's Soho were required to sing both verses of "God Save The Queen", complete with brass band accompaniment.

Aptly, for the launch of a book which strives to illustrate the decline of modern Britain and those who caused it, a group of unruly youths subsequently gathered outside the window and noisily began questioning the birthright of several guests within.

Hilton's help

Paris Hilton has offered the US vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, a final piece of advice ahead of polling day. "You've got a hot bod – don't keep it to yourself," Hilton says in Harper's Bazaar. "Why wear a pantsuit when you can wear a swimsuit? Welcome to the lower 49, girlfriend."

pandora@independent.co.uk

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