Letter from Simon Kelner

Given his age, David Cameron was almost certainly a fan of NYPD Blue, the TV cop show that ran for a decade from the early 1990s.

It was a brilliantly realised, superbly acted, gritty and uncompromising, and set a new standard for TV drama. Without it, we wouldn't have had TheWire. And without NYPD Blue, our fortysomething Prime Minister may not have found space in his imagination to see a rough, tough, fast-talking New York cop coming over here and sorting out the trouble on our streets. If only he could hire Dennis Franz to play Sergeant Andy Sipowicz from the show, Britain's no-go areas would soon be like garden suburbs. The best real-life alternative he could come up with is self-proclaimed "supercop" Bill Bratton, pictured, who, if legend is correct, drove every criminal out of New York with his brand of "robust" policing and reduced the Los Angeles gangs into quivering wrecks who wouldn't threaten a lollipop lady. Mr Cameron was impressed by his cv, and even more enamoured when he encountered the man. And here, in a genuine i exclusive (gained without resorting to phone hacking) we can reveal exactly what happened when Dave met Bill. DC: So, tell me lieutenant – or should I say loo-tenant – exactly how would you deal with these morally degenerate criminals who are stealing from ordinary people? BB:Well, Mr Prime Minister, there's nothing I can do about your bankers. But as far as the rioting gangs are concerned, it's less-than-zero tolerance. If I see any of these scumbags roaming the streets, or, for instance, in a mini-cab, they'll be stopped, searched and, if necessary, plugged full of lead. DC: Erm, I'm not sure that policy will work over here. We have this ridiculous Human Rights Act, dreamt up by those blithering idiots in Brussels to protect the rights of individuals. BB:Do I look like chopped liver? Of course we operate within the law. In fact, we are the law. At this point, Boris Johnson enters the room. Bratton siezes him by the throat and throws him against the wall. BB: Now, listen here, Blondie. One more word of criticism about my friend Dave, and I'll bust your ass so quickly that you'll wish you'd never been born. And I'll stick that silver spoon so far up your ... DC (interrupting): OK, Bill, we get the picture ... BJ:Cripes. BB:You want some advice? Just be careful out there ..