Mark Steel

Commentator and stand-up comedian Mark Steel has presented several radio and television programmes, and appeared on Have I Got News for You and Never Mind the Buzzcocks. In 2006 he published Vive La Revolution: A Stand-up History of the French Revolution, and in 2000 stood as a candidate in the London Assembly elections.

Mark Steel: Socialists? You've got to be joking

Everyone seems to agree that the Labour party is better off having the polite contest taking place now, rather than its old ideological fights. But the result is a series of debates about nothing, with no one daring to say anything, let alone disagree with the nothing someone else has said.

Recently by Mark Steel

Mark Steel: They all sell out in the end

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Now there must be loads of people who wish they'd be accused of making mistakes on purpose to satisfy a betting scam. Gordon Brown would love it if he could claim he wasn't really bafflingly useless, he'd thrown the election on the instructions of a crook with a drawer full of fifties. And the England football team would be delighted to reveal that of course they could have beaten Algeria if they'd tried, but you could get 50-1 against a draw in which England were shite beyond the power of rational thought so they couldn't resist.

Mark Steel: If anyone is fanatic it's Sarah Palin

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

How far away is it permissible to be a Muslim? Maybe there should be special guidelines - for example, three blocks before you can whistle anything by Cat Stevens

Mark Steel: But did Tony run it by Cherie first?

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

I should think when the British Legion appears at the International Court in The Hague, they'll claim they had no idea the �4.6m "gift" they received from warlord Mister Tony Blair was blood money from a criminal. "We just thought it was a charming present from an admirer", they'll say, although Mia Farrow will contradict this by suggesting she'd warned the Legion about the origins of the donation, and add she'd witnessed them being "flirtatious" with Mr Blair on a number of occasions.

Mark Steel: No guns? They must be terrorists

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Somehow, the Chilcot Inquiry has become like Big Brother. About once a month it pops up as a small item in the news and you think: "Oh blimey, I didn't realise that was still going on." Before long, like Big Brother, they'll come up with stunts to try and revive some interest. So they'll reintroduce contestants from previous inquiries such as Martin McGuinness and Christine Keeler, or make some witnesses complete a task of finding hidden ping-pong balls in the room or they have to give evidence blindfold.

Mark Steel: Shooting the messenger

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Why are the British and US governments saying the leak of military documents about Afghanistan has "put our soldiers at risk?" It's us who's been kept hidden from this information, not the Taliban. For example, many of the revelations are previously hidden details of civilian casualties, but Afghans in those areas probably already knew about those deaths. I don't suppose local insurgents have said "Well well, I've read the leaked documents, and you know that family whose house was bombed to rubble by an American plane, and the rest of the village arrived and wailed for three days and swore revenge and then there was a funeral that we all went to. Well it turns out they're dead."

Mark Steel: Not all their careers will end in failure

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

It looks like the next stage of the New Labour project is for the leaders to become proper celebrities. Mandelson's doing well so far, with his advert for The Times being impressively putrid, in which he publicises the serialisation of his book by sitting in a camp Gothic pose purring "I am the Prince of Darkness". But it fails in one respect, that the reason he's called the Prince of Darkness isn't because he played Dracula in a film or always wore a cloak, it's because he really is the Prince of bloody Darkness. It's like the difference between one of the Chuckle Brothers doing an advert where he says: "I'm a nutcase I am", and one in which a similar line was said by Raoul Moat.

Even in Greenland, passions run deep

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Mark Steel: The population of a packed Old Trafford is 11,000 more than the whole of Greenland.

Mark Steel: Who needs schools anyway?

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, has already made two announcements this week, declaring that schools should revive the art of "deep thought", and cancelling £700m worth of school building projects. Which is handy, because for deep thought all you need is a hill to sit on and you can contemplate for months at a time without ever needing to go indoors. You don't hear Tibetan monks grumbling, "Ooh, I don't have a building to sit in, so how can I become at one with the rhythm of my own breathing? Please, master, my mum said I shouldn't sit out in a strong wind for more than three days?"

Mark Steel: It takes a goal (and a few Amstels) for Dutch courage to kick in

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Fan's eye view: At last, they were a proper football crowd, screaming, squealing, no longer fated to lose

Mark Steel: It's that old decline and fall again

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

How long does it take for a nation that once had an empire to come to terms with the fact it's no longer as important as it was? Do people from Rome still go around singing "Carthage, Galls and Southern Spain doo-da, doo-dah?". This is a vital question as we ponder our latest humiliation.

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