Nirpal Dhaliwal: Emily calling Charley a 'nigger' was a David Brent moonwalk

Who can call whom a "nigger"? It's a question that perplexed Britain last week after Big Brother contestant Emily Parr was evicted for using the word.

The middle-class 19-year-old said it while dancing with black housemate Charley Uchea. Charley was swinging her hips, diva-like, when the West Country white girl, in an idiotic attempt at sounding cool, remarked: "You pushing it out, you nigger?"

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Watching it, I laughed aloud at her moronic cheesiness. It was the equivalent of David Brent moonwalking into work and offering the only black man in the office a high-five. It was as lame and hilarious as that.

Emily was the focus of attention last week, while no one commented on Charley's equally retarded reply. "Somebody has already used that word in this house," said Emily when her faux pas was pointed out. "Yeah, me," said Charley. "I'm a nigger."

Charley is, in her opinion, a "nigger"; but only other "niggers" can call her that. That 20-second episode revealed both the inanity and the complexity of racial politics today.

The word "nigger", even among black people, isn't a term of affection. No black people I know use it with their mother, spouse or child.

Whenever I've heard it, it's generally been prefixed with an adjective such as "stupid", "dirty" or "worthless". It's a word that belongs to the hard edge of black street culture, which also implies ignorance, coarseness and often criminality.

A few years back, the African-American comedian Chris Rock did a brilliant routine outlining the differences between black people and "niggers". Black people love reading, he said, but anyone wanting to keep their money safe should hide it in a book. Books, he said, are "kryptonite to niggers". Whenever a black person refers to another as a "nigger", they are defining them in base, gutter language.

Charley Uchea's declaration - "I'm a nigger" - was just as ill considered and clumsy as Emily's comment and, in some ways, more damaging. Emily revealed herself to be naive, idiotic and pretentious; but Charley's statement reflects the way that many young black people revel in the worst definition of themselves, enjoying the funky status associated with black youth culture while ignoring the connotations of stupidity and crassness that accompany the word.

The term has become a fetish in gangsta rap - a narrow strand in black culture that is now a powerful influence on how young black people see themselves.

But gangsta rap doesn't reflect the reality of being young and black; its huge success is, in fact, due to how it titillates the fears and fantasies of whites. Gangsta rap is overwhelmingly bought by white kids. Go to any concert by Snoop, Jay-Z or 50 Cent, and you will see a sea of white faces. Mollycoddled in the suburbs, white kids long to live the edgy, anti-social rebellion they associate with these acts. But this definition is sadly one that many black kids now also regard as the authentic blueprint for their identity.

The word "nigger" is the trickiest word in our society. It is central to popular culture, yet is the word most likely to cause offence. It's a word I don't know how to handle.

In my youth, I used it offensively; later on it became part of my badinage with black friends. Now I might occasionally call a white friend "my nigger" - à la Nathan Barley - to tease him for his white-boy geekiness.

Our culture is dominated by subversive irony and identity politics, making it impossible to agree on the acceptable use of the word. It's probably best if we all leave it unsaid.