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Philip Hensher: There's only one way to find out what art is 'worth' – and Damien Hirst knows it

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Three years ago, Londoners noticed that a sort of Victorian space shuttle seemed to have crashed into one of its most famous streets. They telephoned their friends, and their friends telephoned their friends. Shortly afterwards, a giant puppet of a small girl emerged, soon to be joined by a colossal puppet of an elephant.

Philip Hensher: Why go to a concert if all you want to do is film it? You should be dancing...

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

The offer was, to someone of my age and culture, irresistible. Madonna was touring with a show in her old, grand style. I'd always kicked myself for not making the effort to see the great Blonde Ambition tour, nearly 20 years ago now. She was coming to Zurich with a show called Sticky and Sweet. Forget the off-putting title; for once, we were going to get on the train and go and see the woman Rupert Everett calls the Funny Little Thing do what she still does best.

Philip Hensher: We're attempting to define the indefinable for 2012

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

As David Beckham kicked a football, Leona Lewis burst into song, a double-decker bus trundled into the Beijing stadium, and Boris Johnson took on the unforeseen role of flag-waving cheerleader, I wondered whether it occurred to anyone that perhaps the British are not all that good at this sort of thing. What does our nationality actually look like?

Philip Hensher: Not all good schools require a king's ransom

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

A heartwarming tale of A-level success from Darlington last week. Readers with very long memories may recall, 18 years ago, a baby being taken from a hospital ward by a woman posing as a social worker. After three weeks, the baby was recovered, unharmed. Spool forward to 2008 and the baby, Alex Griffiths, has just received an A and two Bs in her A-levels. She plans – or hopes, rather, in this competitive and inflated market – to study maths at Manchester University.

Philip Hensher: What scandal lurks behind 'The Wire'?

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Everyone agrees that The Wire is a great classic; it has been called the best series ever made by television, anywhere. It looks to me very much like a work of the highest literary art. As British viewers watch it heading into the later stretches of its fifth and last series, it maintains the power and range that have left everyone who has ever seen it struggling for superlatives. But – let's admit it – you haven't seen it; it's quite likely you haven't even heard of it. The first episode of this last series, broadcast on the FX cable channel, gathered only 38,000 viewers. It's a complete scandal.

Philip Hensher: Simple rules for eating abroad

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

I have been bouncing around from one bit of Europe to another for the last few weeks, finally doing, in a grown-up but rather unplanned way, the student Interrail tour. A few times, we've found ourselves in an unfamiliar town, tired and hungry. Where are you going to eat? Of course, you could just eat out of the cuisine gastronomique section of your guide book. But you'll quickly bankrupt yourself, and it probably won't be that good anyway. Here are my tried-and-tested sociological/gastronomic principles for identifying a good'un.

Philip Hensher: Simple rules foreating abroad

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Philip Hensher: My take on the great vibrato debate

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Roger Norrington's performance of Elgar's first symphony at the Proms created some uneasy mutterings among the audience. And he has said that, if the orchestra agrees, he is going to perform the composer's first Pomp and Circumstance march at the Last Night in the same way. In the symphony, Norrington asked the orchestra not to use vibrato, a technique undoubtedly used in performances of Elgar since recordings began, and probably since the piece was first performed. Norrington, however, said that for the first time, the symphony had been performed "as its composer intended".

Philip Hensher: Why Britain's foodies are digging truffles

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Some things you used to have to go abroad for, and they remained something of a holiday treat. Among those, the truffle stands out. I first had a truffle in Italy, in the 1980s. It was a considerable shock. It's a fungus but it didn't taste like any mushroom I'd ever had. The flavour, moreover, lives much more in the nose than in the tastebuds. On the slopes of Mount Etna, in September 1986, my friend instructed me to place a large napkin over my head and bend over a plate of pasta al tartufo, breathing in the aroma, rather as if I had a bad cold and it was a bowl of boiling water and eucalyptus oil.

Philip Hensher: A sucker for the 007 experience

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:00:01 GMT

"I don't know about you," I said, through quite a decent mouthful of veal schnitzel. "But I could honestly sit and look at an Alpine peak for days on end without thinking for a single moment that what it could really do with in the way of improvement was a revolving restaurant on the top." Zav nodded, up to the chops in his own Swiss speciality, as first the Eiger, then the Jungfrau sailed past the windows for the second time.

Philip Hensher: Never mind the flags, just enjoy the music

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:00:01 GMT

For such an obviously immense and successful music festival, the BBC Proms presents, year after year, a surprising number of problems. It ought to be a matter of huge celebration. Every year, it supplies a remarkable range of top-quality concerts. It fills the hall with some of the most unexpected programmes – last year, a late-night concert of renaissance polyphony I happened to catch was packed to the roof. It is immensely popular on radio and television over two months and constantly challenges the audience with unexpected combinations and unfamiliar repertoire, as well as giving them the opportunity to hear visiting orchestras of world class.

Phlip Hensher: Some will throw a party, others a brick

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Like most grand English traditions, the origins of the state funeral seem to be lost in the mists of the 19th century. Monarchs always had them, of course, but it seems only to be then that the great honour started being accorded to commoners. Nelson's and Wellington's stand out, both being occasions marked with great grief as well as dignity. It's to the credit of the age that Darwin, alone among great intellects, was accorded one.

Philip Hensher: Debunking this myth of harmless celebrity

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Supported by the worldwide craze for celebrity, Madame Tussaud's waxworks attractions are a very profitable business. There are now eight of them across the world. The idea stems from a time when the physical appearance of celebrated individuals was not necessarily known to the general public. Nowadays, what the attractions offer is the opportunity to "interact", as they say, with celebrities who in real life are protected by security, distance, or time.

Philip Hensher: Who needs nice? What we want is a winner

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

As PG Wodehouse nearly said, it's never easy to transform a Scotsman with a grievance into a ray of sunshine. But down at Wimbledon, in Mr Andrew Murray's changing room, a team of emotional makeover experts headed by the pubescent genius's terrifying mother Judy is doing its utmost.

Philip Hensher: Protection for older people comes not before time

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

From the 1960s onwards, different sections of society have had their freedom of choice and opportunities protected by a succession of equal rights Acts. First, racial minorities, then women, gay people, and those with disabilities. In each case, legislation ensuring employment rights and forbidding discrimination on the grounds of minority status alone has been introduced first.

Philip Hensher: Is it safe to revisit the harems?

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Timidly, one step at a time, a much-maligned artistic mode comes creeping out of the cupboard where it has been consigned for decades. Thirty years after Edward Said's Orientalism, his case seems to be losing its grip on the academy; after decades in which orientalist works seemed to possess no respectability whatsoever, their appeal and interest seem to be returning.

Philip Hensher: Ban supermarkets from selling alcohol

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Everyone knows there is a problem with alcohol in this country, and nobody knows what to do about it. The Government's apparent concern with people who drink no more than two glasses of wine a night has, it's true, had the unfortunate effect of casting three-quarters of the adults in this country into the category of "problem drinkers". But no one can doubt that the number of people who drink heavily, and regularly, is on the increase. Plain thinking will reveal that they do so because they have the opportunity.

Philip Hensher: The peculiarities of English retain its spell

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Itz olwaiz neiss, as they would prefer me to write, to see the revival of the Spelling Reform movement. Out of the idealistic early twentieth century world of Shaw and the Fabians came a number of things which either disappeared or caught on - Aertex vests, vegetarianism, socialism, nudism, and artificial universal languages. Of these, spelling reform seemed dead as Volapuk. But here it is, alive and well and holding its own conference at Coventry University.

Philip Hensher: The fine line between high art and erotica

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:00:01 GMT

This must be one of the more disconcerting experiences to be had in an art gallery. Tate Liverpool's exhibition of the art of Gustav Klimt and his contemporaries in turn-of-the-century Vienna ends with a dimly-lit room of his drawings. The drawings are often quite thinly executed and I was just peering at one of them, trying to make out its subject, when a voice from behind hailed me. It was Mr Tom Sutcliffe, of this parish and, at that exact moment, I realised that what I had been examining with such closeness was a drawing of a naked lady doing something indescribable to herself. But what is the correct, polite way of looking at such a thing in public?

Philip Hensher: Britain, 2008... it's our statues that will tell all

Sun, 25 May 2008 23:00:01 GMT

As artistic projects go, this one falls squarely into the category of the bizarre. Does it really need to be made? Perhaps the mere proposal, in an age of the conceptual, is enough to constitute a work of art. Anyway, after the Angel of the North and the proposed Giant White Horse for Kent, this one might have been foreseen. Be afraid: here comes the Colossal Naomi Campbell.

Philip Hensher: Now we've all signed up to the freak show

Sun, 18 May 2008 23:00:01 GMT

This'll do for an amusing final item on the ITV news, they must have thought. A painting of a fat lady with no clothes on had sold for $33m, and, guess what, here's the fat lady herself to be interviewed. "Fat Sue, as she's affectionately known," gushed Katie Derham before cutting to that splendid woman, Sue Tilley. "In the words of Roy Castle, Sue, you're a record breaker!"

Philip Hensher: The answer lies in the length of men's shorts

Sun, 11 May 2008 23:00:01 GMT

The early outbreak of summer made me crack open the hot-weather wardrobe. In the way of these things, it turned out to contain, like Tutankhamun's tomb, treasures dating back practically to the dawn of time, favourite old T-shirts, ancient cracking pairs of sandals, and, especially, a long run of pairs of shorts. Some were 10 years old; others were from just last year.

Philip Hensher: The classical allusion makes a comeback

Sun, 04 May 2008 23:00:01 GMT

"You see? You see?" Zaved said, pointing at the headline. "I warned you about your friend the Mayor. Look, he only won the election two days ago, and he's already talking about the Aryans. I told you, it was all a terrible front for -" "Never mind what it was a front for," I said. "Show me that."

Philip Hensher<: The classical allusion makes a comeback

Sun, 04 May 2008 23:00:01 GMT

Philip Hensher: An airport security measure I can't face

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:00:01 GMT

The Government has announced that, from this summer, a trial will be put in place at UK ports and airports. In place of the old routine, in which an immigration officer looks at you, looks at your photograph, swipes the passport and lets you through, you will now have to gaze into the all-seeing lens of a machine. Face-recognition software is going to be put in place.