Quentin Letts: Who ate all the Ferrero Rochers? I think we should be told

Which women were invited to dinner on Clinton's visits?

Richard Thomas, the Information Commissioner, fears that the Freedom of Information Act is being abused by "vexatious requesters" seeking "pointless" facts from the Government and state bodies. There was, for instance, the person who wanted to know how much British diplomats had spent on Ferrero Rocher chocolates. There was the woman who asked how many eligible bachelors there are in the Hampshire constabulary. But some of these "vexatious" questions can shed light on political sillinesses. Officialdom would no doubt consider all of the following questions to be unwelcome. But maybe we should decide. 1 Has Mrs Gordon Brown ordered new curtains for No 10? If so, when was the order placed? 2 Since 1997, how many special-needs teaching assistants have been employed to help John Prescott cope with the paperwork in his ministerial red boxes? 3 How much did the Lord Chancellor's department spend on claret: a) from May 1997 to June 2003; b) and after June 2003, after Lord Irvine had departed the Government? 4 What did Gordon Brown say in Cabinet, if he was present, when the Iraq war was being planned? 5 How many times did Brown threaten to resign as Chancellor unless he got his own way? 6 What were the rules of engagement for the Prime Minister's bodyguards when Tony Blair was in face-to-face meetings with his Chancellor? At what point were they to intervene? 7 In the presence of officials, how many times in the past year has Brown described the present Home Secretary as: a) "my good friend John"; b) "that thuggish tosser Reid"? 8 How many hours' work has Geoff Hoon done since being made "Europe minister" in the last government reshuffle? Did his duties include topping up the Foreign Office's supply of Ferrero Rocher chocolates? 9 When wee Ian McCartney has been on trade missions to China, how much warning was given to the Beijing government and its interpreters of the minister's, ahem, challenging accent? 10 Has there been any time since Alastair Campbell's "retirement" as a spin doctor that he has not had a security pass for No 10? 11 Is Lord Levy any better at tennis than he is at peace-making in the Middle East? 12 Is there a sun bed at Hillsborough Castle, official residence of Peter Hain? 13 How many weekends did Peter and Reinaldo spend at Chequers? 14 What is the real government estimate for the number of Iraqis who have died since Saddam was toppled? 15 Has the Government taken legal advice about whether apologising for the Iraq war would give rise to law suits? 16 Which women were invited to dinner the last five times that Bill Clinton visited the Prime Minister? 17 If members of Mr Blair's staff, on leaving Downing Street, walk straight into jobs with his new foundation, will they still be paid severance money by the Government? 18 How many times has Mr Blair asked the No 10 switchboard to place late-night calls to: a) Carole Caplin; b) Ruth Turner; c) Margaret Beckett? 19 Does Fr Michael Seed, a Roman Catholic priest, have security clearance to wave, within inches of the PM's head, a heavy implement that emits smoke and noxious fumes? 20 Has Leo Blair been entered for any private school as from September 2007? 21 Has Mr Brown been having elocution lessons? 22 Finally, how many vexatious requests for information has the Government received in the past year?

Sunday, 27 May 2007