Simon Carr
The Independent's parliamentary sketch writer and columnist since 2000, Simon Carr was described by Tony Blair as "the most vicious sketch writer working in Britain today". "Poison," said Charles Clarke.
In the 1980s he helped launch The Independent, and was a speech writer for the prime minister of New Zealand from 1992 to 1994. His working principle is "Indignation keeps us young."
The Sketch: How to talk like a human being: Lesson one
It is with great pleasure that I am able to tell you that my colleagues appeared in front of the Public Administration Committee to give evidence on Official Language, that they appeared with a professor and the lady from the Plain English Campaign, and that they weren't very good. It puts a spring in a fellow's step, that, and gives lunch an added flavour. I hadn't been asked, you see.
Recently by Simon Carr
The Sketch: No boom, big bust, in Chancellor vs the banks
Thursday, 9 July 2009
Let's try to think of mismatched contests. Victoria Beckham challenges Susan Boyle to a dress-off? It's too equal.
The Sketch: Listen carefully, here's a politician that reeks of power
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
The clouds parted and the Lord came down among us.
Simon Carr: Unelected, yes, but very handy for passing the buck
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Sketch: One interesting thing was said, but I don't think he had wanted to say it
Simon Carr: Who's rich when others are richer?
Monday, 6 July 2009
If your neighbour gets a promotion, that could create serious problems
The Sketch: Shouldn't the Speaker practise what he preaches?
Friday, 3 July 2009
Speaker news. A bit too much Speaker news to be respectable.
The Sketch: Matador Cameron scores another hit on wounded bull
Thursday, 2 July 2009
To continue the animal imagery, we now have the old bull alone in the middle of the arena. He paws at the sawdust and bleeds. His head sways to and fro, left and right, but he can still lift it, he can still make short charges to scatter his tormentors. Bloodied certainly, bowed even, but still dangerous. Meanwhile, Cameron has moved from one kind of bull fighter to another, from banderillero to matador. He used to run alongside and plunge his darts into the great neck. Now they confront each other more directly, eye to eye. The crowd is quiet.
The Sketch: Left to right, and back to front
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
It's too heavy to get angry, so let's sit in this fridge and wonder why the Gordon Balls axis of persuasion makes us so hot under the collar.
Simon Carr: This angry map of a mind where no one wants to go
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
The Sketch: "Is there anyone out there?" Cameron cooed. The only man available was Alistair Darling
The Sketch: If you have to say you are honest, no one will believe it
Friday, 26 June 2009
Most other journalists had gone off to see glamorous Cameron deliver a speech about freedom, the future and heaven in a grain of sand. It was very good, friends say. They enjoyed it. But you see, I'm more considerate than that, more compassionate, less selfish I suppose, (people say they are my only three faults). I thought Gordon shouldn't be alone at a time like this. So leaving aside self interest, off I went to Labour Party HQ to watch him deliver the speech of his life to 100 activists and seat hunters.
The Sketch: There's capital to be made out of Brown's financial confusion
Thursday, 25 June 2009
The natural end for a beast as big and as bonkers as Gordon Brown is up the top of the Empire State building, swatting away biplanes. He roars and rails, he swipes his paws, but they come at him from every angle, pumping cannon fire. His grip on the radio mast must be getting weaker. Is it too late for flying lessons?
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Columnist Comments
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