Simon Carr

The Independent's parliamentary sketch writer and columnist since 2000, Simon Carr was described by Tony Blair as "the most vicious sketch writer working in Britain today". "Poison," said Charles Clarke.

In the 1980s he helped launch The Independent, and was a speech writer for the prime minister of New Zealand from 1992 to 1994. His working principle is "Indignation keeps us young."

The Sketch: Anything interesting you say may be twisted and used against you

"They never answer the question, do they?" A lady was walking through Westminster Hall after PMQs and making this observation. No, they don't. Even when they do they don't. Genuflecting to the gods of Diversity, the Tories have an American MP in the House. He is an amiable, bankerly sort of fellow called Brooks Newmark. He put to the PM his killer question. It was suicidal. "Only three countries have a larger budget deficit than Britain," he said. "Can the Prime Minister name even one?" He's an East Side smoothie is Brownstone Brooks, so Gordon's response was brutal: "America," he said, and sat down.

Recently by Simon Carr

The Sketch: Don't call it lap dancing, he told MPs. It's adult entertainment

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

One generation cometh and another generation passeth away. In front of the Culture Committee's Lap Dancing Investigation we had Peter Stringfellow on one side with his silver hair flowing over collar and a face that looked like his reputation. And on the other, Sandrine Levêque, a fragrant young professional whose job was given as an Anti-Objectification Advocacy Officer.

The Sketch: If confidence is half the battle, we'll need another army

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

It must have been deliberate. A masterpiece is never accidental. Above and beyond all imitation, it was in a class of its own. To adapt the words of the advertisement, that wasn't just boring, that was Alistair Darling boring.

The Sketch: How sensible debate is strangled by taboos

Friday, 21 November 2008

That nana Sion Simon kept "counselling" people not to "talk down" the economy. It's the new way of countering (or suppressing) criticism. If you stand up and welcome spending on apprentices and call for more spending – he accuses you of "talking the economy down". Labour's David Taylor was rebuked for saying that management of large projects wasn't the most glittering success of the public service. He got it as well. "Talking it down."

The Sketch: Grumpy and toothless: the Conservative front bench

Thursday, 20 November 2008

What a row of grim faces on the Tory front bench. Despite any and all efforts to look like winners, the whole team has the air of Eric Pickles. Poor George Osborne looked bankrupt. His credit collapsed. The Prime Minister is right (it's the last time I'll use those words): it's all George Osborne's fault.

Simon Carr: Mr Keynes' funny farm... a bullock outfoxes the fox

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Sketch: Were the Tories able to dance around him laughing and shove a cat down the back of his pants? In a word: no

The Sketch: Is Harriet harmed or did Bryant leave his brain in the lobby?

Friday, 14 November 2008

What's going on between Harriet and her prot�g�, Chris Bryant? One old stager told me that no secretary of state likes it when their assistant or under-minister makes a hit. Oh, they laugh along in public, but inside they die a little every time it happens.

The Sketch: Tragedy casts a shadow over the political ring

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Everything's changed for David Cameron. The Prime Minister said something true and useful in PMQs. Gordon Brown has emerged from the abyss into which we cast him. Boring he may be, flat-footed as ever, pettily partisan – but he is still there without having changed a jot. And so, as he confronts his enemies, abusers, and critics it is possible to discern the lineaments of shame as they – we – review the way he was treated in his wilderness year.

The Sketch: As Miliband spoke, I wanted to chuck things

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

It's not really cricket to say that the whole thing's a waste of time; we're supposed to look at it quietly and work out whether it works on its own terms. But Foreign Office questions is a complete waste of time and it's not just because of the Foreign Secretary.

Simon Carr: This sort of appalling language has no place in the Commons

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

The Sketch: The recent fracas of Ross and Brand produced a very poor show in the Commons

The Sketch: Mandelson leaves us frozen in frustration

Friday, 7 November 2008

Are they chairladies, in the Lords? It sounds a little menial for their position. I collared chairlady Cohen outside the European Sub-Committee A and asked, "Did you get anything out of that?"

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