Simon Carr: A Dracula-lite turn that is only a little bit frightening

Pale, grave and romantic, George Osborne presented himself to his conference like the Barbie version of Count Dracula. Just the ticket, as it turned out. In these difficult times you need to be able to frighten people a bit.

He followed two Labour-in-Opposition rules from the 1990s. Rule 1) Give your most obvious supporters a damned good thrashing.

So, Blair dealt with the unions and Osbo with the bankers. "You helped cause this mess and you can help pay to clear it up." Gordon hasn't dared say anything so satisfying.

"I will not increase taxes on the family earning £20,000 to carry on paying the bonuses of the banker earning £2m." Gordon hasn't said that either. He doesn't like bankers enough to be nasty to them.

But how will the Tories pay for it all? It is absolutely essential they don't say because to do so would infringe rule 2. Opposition Rule 2): present as small as target as possible. A plan presents a big target. Something to have bits torn off it.

No, a plan can be as vague as you like. The important thing to do is to nail Gordon's reputation to his history. And that Osbo did, pale and grave, and armed with a number of sitcom zingers. Sneer very nearly under control, voice just about managing (how he would benefit from a lower register), he produced half-a-dozen shafts, including the conference favourite: "Mr Brown,when it comes to leading and listening and understanding – you know I believe in apprenticeships – but this is no time for a novice." It's funny because it's true.

He pulled it off, in short. He was old enough to be Chancellor (about 200,000 years, if the draculine theory is true). He diagnosed the situation with enough clarity and brutality to cause a frisson in his audience. "It's over. It's finished. The cupboard is bare. There is no more money." That's plain speaking that people like. And then those ... things. The Office of Budget Responsibility. The council tax freeze.

It's enough. They need to keep a presence just off-stage. Why? Because Gordon is about to be sentenced in the Court of Poetic Justice to a most terrible punishment.

He made his name for competence and prudence by denouncing the Tory Exchange Rate Mechanism debacle. But now he's going to suffer an ERM loss once a month for a year. He's doing the same thing as Lamont did, but on a massively larger scale. He's trying to shore up over-valued commodities that the market is determined to drive down.

History doesn't repeat itself, "but it rhymes", as someone said. That's what makes this so poetic.

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