Simon Carr: Mandy's back. Rejoice, and be afraid
The Sketch: Tony Blair used to say that the New Labour project would only be complete when the party had learnt to love Peter
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
What a glorious novelty – it's the first time we had heard the words "trusty", "well-beloved" and "Mandelson" in the same sentence. Without at least some explosive, quayside negative to make sense of it.
Mind you, the backbench meeting last week had wished him well. Yes, in public. Tony Blair used to say that the New Labour project would only be complete when the party had learnt to love Peter. Maybe the party has decided that the purpose of New Labour is to win four elections in a row and they could love anyone if they had to.
Looking slightly stooped and a little lighter (he lost a stone recently) he followed a procession of gorgeously dressed soldiers through the lobby of the Lords. Gold and vermilion emblems. White tie. Black Rod with his black rod. That little black ruffle of silk at the nape of the neck. They all looked fffffabulous!
Two interesting people present. Tessa Jowell and Charlie Falconer (who led the procession in). I doubt there are two more visceral foes of the Prime Minister. Tessa for Tony's sake. And Charlie, so it is said, had a verbal promise on his pension repudiated by the new regime. Seeing Lord Peter with these two reminded us that we probably haven't reached the end of history yet.
What an extraordinary effect he has on us. Alan Duncan, his opposite number in the Tories, turned up to watch the ennoblement. I'm sure he bowed slightly as Lord Peter passed. A pleasant, ironic bob no doubt, easy to pass it off as that. But then again, Lord Peter's tall, Montgomery Burns presence does create a frisson of anxiety in those of us he looks at directly. The large, unmoving features, the downturned mouth, and most frightening of all, the unexpected smile.
You can imagine him holding his own on the yacht of a Russian billionaire. Other members of the Cabinet fail in this thought experiment. Alan or David or Jacqui or even Jack just wouldn't hold an oligarch's attention. Our Minister of Children, Skills, Families and Work-Life Balance? "Eddie. Make sure the wine is chilled will you. Good boy." But Lord Peter has something in his character – a mixture of deadpan amusement, self interest, public purpose and cruelty – that sets him above and beyond his low acquaintance in the Cabinet.
He is the concentrated essence of politics. He radiates it, like Kryptonite. No wonder he's so welcome an addition to parliamentary life.
The Lords voted on Gordon Brown's bill for 42 days detention last night – Gordon is its only friend. Which way would Lord Peter go on it? He could have voted against, on a point of principle. Of course he would have had to resign at once. That would at least cut a long story short.
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I think "fair minded people" should get a life. All the queens I know are far more acid than that.
Get a grip, you jumped-up, overweening, pretentious and politically correct dullards.
Posted by Obnoxio The Clown | 16.10.08, 11:06 GMT
I have to agree with "labourboy", im no great promoter of homosexuality but why the snide comment, all that does is alienate fair minded people.
Posted by unhappy jon | 14.10.08, 13:36 GMT
The 'ffffabulous' reference wouldn't be a joke about Mandelson being gay would it? Wouldn't that be an 'offensive or abusive' comment, making a joke about a man's sexuality?
Posted by Labourboy | 14.10.08, 12:16 GMT