The Sketch: A load of bunk from the PM's bunker

Tony Blair came to the House to announce troop withdrawals from Iraq, and to deny Gordon Brown what would have been the first announcement of his honeymoon period.

The PM is looking very threadbare. He may have crossed the thin line that separates lunacy from insanity (it's Alan Bennett's joke). Of the terrorists, militias, kidnappers, bombers and murderers that have created a civil war in Iraq he declared: "We will beat them when we realise it's not our fault that they're doing this."

We will what when we what?

Let me paraphrase: "Victory will come when we realise we are blameless!" You live in a bunker you start talking bunk.

He elaborated this theme: "We will win if we don't apologise for our values." That's what's been holding us back. Baghdad is full of flying body parts because of our "After-you-Claude. No, no, after you".

We will fight them on the beaches! We will fight them on the landing grounds! We will never apologise!

This grew into the PM's theme for the afternoon: It's not our fault. That is: It's not his fault. It's their fault. A mad coalition of bloodythirsty chaoticians has "chosen Iraq as the battleground". Bloodshed on every street corner, butchery, sickening violence, he acknowledged it all, but to all of it: It's not our fault. That is, it's not his fault.

It isn't a complete defence. Sir Malcolm Rifkind pointed out that al-Q'aida's use of Iraq as a battleground wasonly made possible by the decision to invade in the first place. Since the fall of Saddam, he went on "100,000 Iraqis have been killed, 200,000 have fled and Iran is the hegemonic power in the region". That's quite a legacy. But it's "not our fault". That's true. It's his fault.

More bunk from the bunker: "The desire for democracy is good. The desire to thwart it is evil." When Gerald Kaufman pointed out that Hamas had been democratically elected the Prime Minister twisted at both ends like a cut snake. Yes, but... no, but. Hamas weren't conforming to the will of the international community, and no but they didn't support a two-state solution and yes... but, no... they hadn't renounced violence.

So, far from being a transcendental value as he likes to suggest, there are democracies we don't recognise (like Hamas), there are democracies we'd be terrified of (Saudi Arabia gets the vote and kicks off the Third World War), and the most successful economies in recent times (Hong Kong, then China) have been the opposite of democracies.

David Cameron agreed that we had a moral purpose in the Middle East, but said it should be pursued by moral means and that Guantanamo Bay and extraordinary rendition (in English: "torture flights") had damaged our reputation. The PM replied: "There are all sorts of debates about these matters and I'm not sure I agree with him." That caused a few gasps. And the EU report on Britain's involvement in rendition? "Just wrong".

Well, his US lecture tour is coming up. He's collecting his Congressional Medal soon; he can't be criticising state torture and the sort of detention without trial we got rid of in the 13th century.

James Arbuthnot put it tidily: "We don't have to apologise for our values, but to act on them." Bug his phone!

sketch@simoncarr.co.uk

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