The Sketch: It's a different reality on Planet Gordon

The Prime Minister began with a tribute sort of thing to a soldier killed in Afghanistan. He said: "His death reaffirms our gratitude to others who have died." What does that mean, actually? It's a very odd to thing to say. And they come in threes, or they did yesterday.

David Cameron asked a series of questions on Gordon Rock to which there was no attempt at an answer. How much is the taxpayer exposed to? How long before the loan is paid off? How much is the subsidy worth? How much is Goldman Sachs being paid for its advice? And wasn't it a mistake to get on a plane with the preferred bidder and go to China with him?

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The Prime Minister's replies were supported by solid, joyless cheers from his back benches; the Tory leader must have been buoyed by the excitement of his own. Oh, and the obvious irritation of the Prime Minister was surely sweet.

Gordon gave us a usable example of the second law of politics (accuse your opponent of your own most obvious fault). The Tories couldn't make their mind up on the Rock, he said. Then he said the second odd thing. Administration? He declared it would result in a fire sale of assets, lose billions and put the stability of the economy at risk.

To this, Cameron improvised an answer (a feat in itself), or at least had tricked the Prime Minister into setting him up to deliver a prepared improvisation. "There is a difference between administration and liquidation," he said. "Administration is what this government is currently in. Liquidation is what's going to happen at the next election!"

In exchanges like this, Cameron looks the heir to Blair, and the Prime Minister looks Majorly. Of course, there's no necessity for a sale, let alone a fire sale. Administrators can run a company for years, if it's desirable.

It was an act of self-mutilation though, to reply to Ken Clarke as he did. He'd quoted the former chancellor as approving of the public finances. Naturally, the quote was out of context. Clarke stood up and gave him a terrific wallop: "He handed on the public finances to his successor in a quite appalling mess," Ken said, before going on to "dithering" and "incompetence", "shattered" and "incredible".

Then Gordon said the third thing, and I thought he might yet be the subject of a midnight visit to Downing Street by the doctors with their long syringes. "As someone who inherited a very difficult economic situation from him in 1997," he said. Tories erupted in indignation, I went all tingly down the side of my head. It really was "different planet" stuff.

It was 12.30. Alan Johnson stood up to give a statement on obesity. That reminded me. Just time for a doughnut before lunch.

simoncarr@sketch.sc

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