The Sketch: Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss but he's trying to prove he's different

First day of the new, humble, non-tribal, unspinning government. It'll be a magnificent achievement if they can pull it off because Gordon is as tribal as Tutsis, as humble as Heep and spins like Rumplestiltskin. We must never forget he is making an enormous - and commendable - effort to be his own opposite.

No spinning; let the facts speak for themselves, is the new cry. Or new statement. Or new muttered observation from Alistair Darling. But the facts have been so pre-spun you can believe more or less anything you like. For every statistic there is an equal and opposite statistic.

In Education questions yesterday, we had one lot saying only 5 per cent of some group had got 44 per cent of some damn thing or other only to be rebuffed by the other lot saying it was all up 17 per cent to 76 per cent because everything had got so much better. Tony Blair (the ex-prime minister, remember, he resigned earlier this week) was confronted with the "fact" more white boys were failing in school only to respond with the "fact" that white boys were doing better than they ever had.

So what's the truth? How do we find out? I know! We'll ask the Prime Minister: he'll tell us. The Leader of the House is passing on, leaving Hatty Harman in his place.

It's the least popular part of the reshuffle. And that's including Shaun Woodward. He has acquired yet another butler (in Hillborough Castle, his Northern Ireland establishment). He now has a butler for each part of his body. It's a core value. The only prediction of mine that came close was "Ben" taking over Defra. That nice young Ben Bradshaw with the second best hair in the House. But it turned out to be Benn taking over, Hilary Benn. He is so decent and public spirited he makes me want to take up heroin.

Here's a proposal inspired by Jack Straw's announcement of the 54th Criminal Justice Bill. Stop passing all these laws! Only have the amount of law that can actually be properly considered by the House of Commons before it's sent on its way.

They've made up 3,000 new crimes since coming to power. But the nature of crime has changed. It has very little to do with offences against the spirit or society. They're not sins, these new offences. Most of them are to do with becoming an administrative inconvenience ("obstructing a regulatory inspector in the course of his duties"). Fewer laws but bigger ones, maybe that can be part of the new politics?

PS: In the new spirit, let ministers stop saying: "We'll take no lectures from the party opposite. I would have thought they'd be congratulating us rather than criticising. They should stop running down the hard-working health service."

simoncarr@sketch.sc

Blair old guard departs en masse

Yesterday witnessed the slaughter of the old guard as Brown made way for a new generation around the cabinet table. Five of the eight women from Tony Blair's last cabinet are gone. John Reid, the outgoing Home Secretary, was on such bad terms with Brown he probably would have been sacked if he had tried to stay, so said he would step down. Margaret Beckett, the outgoing Foreign Secretary, had hoped to survive, as an old ally of Brown, but was told her time was up. Patricia Hewitt and Hilary Armstrong, averted the prospect of being sacked by resigning. Baroness Amos's departure should not be interpreted as a sacking, since she is in line for the post of EU envoy to Africa.

The former Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell is staying on as minister in charge of the Olympics, but that is not a Cabinet post. The two leading lawyers from the old cabinet have also gone: Lord Falconer, the Lord Chancellor, who was never close to Brown; and Lord Goldsmith, the former Attorney General.

Andy McSmith

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