The Sketch: PMQs, or the battle of the rudeboy vs the tough nut

My sister had been watching Prime Minister's Questions from the public gallery, she'd come up from Lincolnshire, and was a little shocked at what she saw. "He's so rude, isn't he?" she said.

"Isn't he? It's because he's got no manners. He never listens. It's all about him, always and all the time. It's just not prime ministerial, is it?"

"No, I mean Cameron's so rude."

"Is he?" What an interesting observation. Fresh pair of eyes, you see. He hadn't seemed particularly rude to me. But looking through the notes, she had a point. Cameron had described the PM as a useless, dithering, twisting, spineless crook. I'd heard it as, "Morning Prime Minister, all well with the family?" Obviously I'm not the right person to criticise Cameron on this point, but if nice people are commenting he should watch out. Good manners ("the art of making other people uncomfortable") are quite an advantage, if you're the only one who has them.

Brown continues to defy belief. It's not his argument that's wrong, it's his assertions. His current pitch to the public is that he's a toughie, so he said the word "tough" 10 times and "tougher" seven times. "Tough choices I won't shy away from," he said, to make Cameron look like a girl. Were you 17 per cent more likely to consider the PM tough? Exactly.

Maybe it would work better if he weren't shying away like billy-o from fuel tax increases, car tax increases, capital gains and inheritance taxes, the 10p band abolition, knife criminals in hospital... And at the same time, his chosen theme re Cameron was: "He ran away!"

And on top of that, he adds ever-wilder charges to the Protocols of the Elders of Eton. The best one yesterday was that Tories are against action on terrorism and pollution, and are hostile to fuel-efficient cars. Oh, and Ken Clarke's economy ("a golden legacy", according to Treasury officials in 1997) was a mess of debt, inflation and unemployment.

If he wants to engage with the public, here's a thought. He should engage with the people he's talking to. Everything he says is an assertion of his power, prestige and impenetrable omniscience. There's no room for anyone else in all this.

In the effort to appear tough, strong, certain, he appears to be locked up in his box and unavailable for conversation. The public discern this in moments, without having to listen to a thing he says. It's why he can't command the attention of voters. Maybe he might consider that, for the conference season.

simoncarr@sketch.sc