The Third Leader: Hell's bells!

More worrying news to accompany dismal forecasts for the holiday weekend: 95 per cent of us are heading for hell, according to the Oxford theologian Dr Richard Turnbull. Sighing head-shakers, of course, have been saying something of the same for many centuries, often adding "in a handcart". But it has still come as quite a shock, to me at least, to learn that a quota system is being imposed Up There.

Indeed, although no expert, I had assumed that there was plenty of room, and seem to remember the Proprietor's son saying as much. The concept of an agreed pass mark, too, removes us to an area involving free will and predestination which has troubled far greater believers and brains than this one.

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Dr Turnbull's figure of choice, though, is interesting, as five does seem to be a highly pervasive percentage. There is a well-known management theory, for example, that, in any organisation, five is the percentage of truly competent operators (thank you).

Other examples of five per cent include the amount of the universe made up by visible matter, the romantic novel's share of the fiction market, the number of Britons who don't believe Princess Diana was murdered, and the proportion of UFO sightings that should be given some credibility.

There will be those who will make wise remarks about angels and pins, and loudly doubt Dr Turnbull's belief that a change of eternal travel arrangements will be effected by believing what he believes. I am loath to cause offence in high or low places, particularly if it's all going to come down to a few percentage points.