Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: Londoners would be mad to vote for Boris

As 1 May approaches, many Londoners feel only presentiment and ire. None of the candidates for Mayor are inspiring, and the two frontrunners are so flawed that it shames democracy itself. We lurch between democratic duty and an enervating loss of will. Our diverse and lively city is invited to choose either a jaded, aging Labourite who doesn't want to let go or a refashioned Tory with elitist, colonial and libertarian values. It is a contest between practised rogues.

Who will make the more disastrous Mayor of London? That is the only question. For anyone who knows the metropolis, the answer should be clear. Don't vote for the clever and cute Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. He does not have the sensibility of a Londoner; he is not one of us, even though, poor chap, he is putting up a good show.

Boris says whatever he thinks voters want to hear. None of it, nothing really matters. He must think people are fools who will be instantly convinced by this apology, that assertion, that triff little policy idea, a sound bite and its reversal, but days on. And there are people out there waiting to be fooled, among them a mate, a black social worker:

"He's changed. He's really serious about this. Maybe it started as a joke, but the guy is winning me over". "Why?, what policies appeal?" I ask. "Dunno, eh, eh, the stuff about guns. I like that. I think. What did he say he would do? And he apologised for that racist stuff."

Remember Boris the fearless columnist and forthright politician, when his jobs were on the line, delivered apologies like pizzas to the various groups he gratuitously offended. So how can we tell what he really believes today?

Is he still bullishly sure that the Stephen Lawrence Inquiry report – which forced this nation to examine its own dark heart – was "Ceausescu-ish hysteria", "Orwellian" and a "witch-hunt"? He has often (before this election, of course) denounced anti-discrimination policies and laws. Racism would not be a problem if we all had "good manners", he claimed. Someone should ask him and soon.

He likes cycling past low buildings and detests new, tall monstrosities. Sounds like John Major's dreamy church-going maids. The likes of Lord Rogers who are making London so people-friendly must hear this with incredulity.

Then there is the transport issue. He will not "punish" owners of hideous big cars by asking them to pay more for the pollution they cause, but they should still drive less. Good manners will do that too, I guess, and solve the global warming threat, never taken seriously by Boris, who rejected the Kyoto agreement. Cyclists will get a good champion in this mayor but not if they want more rules and regulations – the Tory hates intervention. Why he wants this interventionist job is therefore a mystery.

He announced a referendum on the smoking ban then issued a press release saying he doesn't mean that. But you must have done Boris, for in a letter to The Times you wrote: "the dangers of smoking and passive smoking are being exaggerated to the point of hysteria".

On race and religion he slips and slides, offers up genetic references. His forefathers were Turkish and one married a slave girl. So what? Tories believe past racist crimes committed by Europe should be laid to rest, so too then these ancient links pulled out for convenience. And that his wife has some Asian blood matters even less. He has slammed Muslims unfairly often enough for us not to trust him.

He supported the war on Iraq; he has not made a single convincing speech on race relations and has made appallingly prejudiced statements. Some of his best friends may come from different backgrounds, but that, alas, is not a testimonial. For a right wing journalist, none of this matters; for the job Boris is going for it does, hugely.

Oh and Boris promises no questionable cronies and full accountability. So what about Lynton Crosbie, Boris's minder, previously a strategist for the right wing Australian PM, John Howard, described as the "master of the dark political arts"? He headed a campaign which fallaciously accused asylum seekers of throwing their kids into the sea and during which his business partner, Mark Textor, accused a female opponent of supporting abortion at nine months. An appointment that should worry Londoners.

Boris could well win. The public is gullible; rich white folk and parts of the press love him. David Cameron may yet rue the victory and Ken too, for running a dodgy fiefdom and taking Londoners for granted. Come the Olympics, we will be in a right old mess. But then we will have had many laughs along the way with good old Boris.

y.alibhai-brown@independent.co.uk

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